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In January, I had a diva moment. My publisher took a little bit of time to answer a question, and the answer affected the book I was writing, so I said, a little testily, “that’s all well and good, but I will need at least another month to write this!!!” Harumph. And they said…”Okay!”
As a result, I’ve had plenty of time to write this book. So much time that I decided to tackle a renovation project I’ve been kevetching about for over a year now: That blasted half wall between my kitchen and living area. 
Have I learned my life lessons? Apparently the only one I have learned is that there is never a good time for anything.
The contractor said, “couple of weeks at most.” We are at the end of three weeks and still not done. And at the end of three weeks, I haven’t made enough progress on my book, so now I am staring down the barrel of a deadly deadline that I dare not miss, mainly because I am too embarrassed after my little diva moment in January.
Fortunately, I’ve been around long enough to know that this is just a bump in the road and everything will work out. Sometimes, those bumps feel huge and impossible, but still, they work out. Like…the time I was delivered a baby I wasn’t expecting. 
Or the time I had to give that baby, who was then four years old, back to his parents. Or the time my husband, who I encouraged to pursue his dream of law school, went off to said law school and then said he didn’t want to be married anymore and was staying in Phoenix (oh, you didn’t know that? Well, it’s not the sort of thing you announce, right? So now you know). Or the time I went off on vacation to finish my book and forgot my computer bag in the car at the airport. Or the time I was 20-30 pages from the end of the book, just a couple of weeks before deadline, and decided a major plot point didn’t work and had to rewrite the thing.
I would have sworn there was no way I would survive any of these things, and yet, all of them turned out okay. I survived. I moved on. I kept writing. This ongoing renovation is just another bump, and I feel pretty confident that when it is finished, it will look spectacular, the book will be written, and in time, I will forget both how much it cost or how hard it was and start thinking of new things to tackle.
Have you ever had a major bump in the road that you were certain would derail your life and didn’t? Are you zen about things like renovations? Do you have a really horrible renovation story to tell me that will make me forget that they are STILL in my house?
118 Comments on “Bumps in the Road”
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The renovations could be worse.
My parent’s house is an old farmhouse with a dug out section for a basement. Dad decided that the house needed to be jacked up because the plaster on the walls near the door frames was cracked almost two feet at each corner. So in April (I think) he called his older brother that he used to work construction with to help him with the project. The result of raising the center of the house a few feet was that big chunks of plaster popped off the wall in the kitchen, dining room (office) and stairway.
The washer, dryer and table were moved out of the kitchen into the entry that had been remodeled a few years before. The freezers from the entry had been moved to the garage. The office equipment moved to the living room. The only thing left of the bathroom was the toilet. I do not remember where the kitchen stove went. The wood stove from the office went into storage and eventually into the shop after it was built. The trashburner disappeared. When all of the plaster was removed from the office, it was discovered that the bricks on the chimney were burned, so both stoves had to go. Good thing we already were using the other chimney for the natural gas furnace.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 4:26 am.
Do you know how much fun it is to have showers outside under the willow tree at midnight during the summer? 90% of the time we had spit baths using the laundry sink in the entry. When everything else was removed from the bathroom, it was discovered that we were very lucky that the tub had not fallen through the floor since whoever did the original work had done a lousy job and the tub had insufficient support.
Just before school started (senior year) I got my wisdoms pulled and my last three babies removed. My brother’s best friend stayed for a week and most of the house was still unusable. Mother and I quit the outdoor showers the end of September, my brother lasted until October. I just saw the pictures taken of me in the kitchen after the Winter Formal (during x-mas break) in my scrapbook stuff and the kitchen stove is not behind me like it should be, but some cabinets are in.
The bathroom was totally rearranged. The kitchen sink moved to the window. Hot and Cold faucets were installed outside using the new kitchen pipes. The chimney became a cabinet for spices and cleaning supplies. The empty section of the master closet under the stairs landing became the kitchen pantry. The upper old kitchen cabinets moved to the porch. The old lower kitchen cabinets moved to storage before eventually going into the shop.
I specifically looked, and the remodel started in Feb and ended in Jan. But the trim for the bathroom was not finished until just before Thanksgiving 5 years later.
Hope this helps you feel slightly better about your renovation.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 4:58 am.
Tina, thank you! I feel so much better. At least they haven’t invaded my bathrooms. My mother is about to retile both bathrooms, and I tried to warn her, but she wouldn’t listen. Must be where I get it from, LOL
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 10:54 am.
Oh Julia I am so sorry that your hubby decided what he decided. I honestly wish that it hadn’t have happened to you. I am not 100% certain but New Guy and I might be um yeah. The first test at the hospital came back negative but it was too soon after my due date to be certain. If I am um yeah there will be an announcement made once I am safely past the first trimester that way I can be certain that things are firmly and safely implanted. Yeah it is going to be a fairly big road block especially with me doing a Uni degree but I am sure that New Guy and I can get through it.
*hugs to you*
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 4:32 am.
I’ll keep my fingers crossed for your end result to be whatever it is you’re hoping for! ::hugs::, and possibly congratulations!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 7:17 am.
Thanks cail, I will be doing another test next payday.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 9:09 am.
Congratulations, Kelly! You can do it, I know you can. And thank you, I wish it hadn’t happened, either, but it did, and live moves on.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 10:55 am.
If I am um yeah and manage to stay that way with no complications then all you goddesses will become honourary aunties since you all are only a couple of years older than me.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:19 am.
Oh Julia I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. Sorry about the cutie toddler and what happened with your husb. I know they say god doesn’t give you more then what you can handle. But sometimes I wonder. Hugs.
I have never gone through any type of renovation. But have heard stories. Hope it all gets better soon.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 5:26 am.
Well, I am sitting here waiting for painters that were to be here at 8 am sharp, if that tells you anything, LOL.
Thanks, Judy. Sometimes there are no words. Just pushing forward is helpful.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 10:56 am.
Julia, where do I begin? Sometimes you just want to take someone and give them a hug. to you. It will all be okay. I think most of us are pretty resilient. I have hit a couple of major bumps, but always manage to straighten things out. It may not happen right away, but it will. I am still struggling with one right now. I really don’t think the words Zen and redhead go together! But yes, I have become more mellow in the last few years. I just went through what was supposed to be a kitchen remodel. It ended up a bathroom redo. Ugh. But it happened on time and just a little over budget. The good news is the granite goes in the kitchen early next month! Just a couple more steps toward that For Sale sign being put up. I am thinking of you, and wish you the best! You can do it. Obviously you are a very strong person!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 6:02 am.
Isn’t it funny how that happens? What was supposed to be taking out a wall turned into major stonework and built ins. Not sure how kitchen redo turns into bathroom redo, but I believe it! So glad you are almost there!
Thank you for the hugs, too. I appreciate it.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 10:58 am.
I didn’t explain myself very well. And I want to be a writer? Good luck, Kel. Our kitchen redo went to bathroom due to a friend of a friend contractor. We wanted to start with the kitchen floor and he didn’t do the type of flooring we wanted. So, while we had him we figured out he could do everything we wanted done in the bathroom. Shortened version making any more sense? Anyways I just wanted you to know that my heart is still hurting for you. Your redo sounds awesome. I love stonework, or anything earthy for that matter. You’ll be so happy when it’s done.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 1:04 pm.
I’ve always been a big believer that things happen for a reason. We may not like it when it’s going on but after a while, sometimes a long while I’ll have an “aha” moment of so what’s why that happened. I’ve been unemployed for almost four years but I’ve figured out that I’m where I’m supposed to be right now. So sorry you’re life has had such rough bumps but you’re a really strong woman who’s learned that she can deal with some major sucky things and still stand on her feet, shake her fist at the world and know that she can deal with whatever comes her way.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 6:20 am.
I agree, Aida. Things happen for a reason. And I guess I am pretty strong. I haven’t required meds yet, so that’s a plus, hahaha
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 10:58 am.
You are VERY strong, Julia, and one of the people I really admire. This too will pass!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 4:17 pm.
Oh man, Julia. I had no idea. I had wondered why there weren’t any Phoenix updates, but wow. Men can be such jerks. You’ve had a rough year, and I think its time for a bump free road.
We haven’t had many big bumps in the road lately, but about 4 years ago, we (me and my DH) both got laid off from our jobs on the same day. We made the best of our new found freedom by taking a 10 day vacation in the Caribbean.
I guess not getting a contract teaching job the last few years would also be a bump in the road…
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 7:11 am.
Cail, I remember that! I remember thinking, what are the odds? But you guys seem pretty resilient and happy in spite of things. Maybe we are both due for bump-free driving, eh?
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:00 am.
Big hugs, Julia. I believe that what doesn’t break us makes us stronger. It sucks at first, but we move on and the hurt gets less and less each day. I wish this for you.
We have recently gone through some family bumps. My FIL has had a rough year and a half. He had a major heart attack which resulted in a pacemaker to keep his heart beating, and then the removal of a brain tumor. They weren’t certain with his heart issues if he would make it off the table. I am glad to report that he made it through, with minimal impact to speech and muscle function. The year before my FIL’s health issues my MIL faught and beat stage 4 breast cancer. Needless to say, our family is looking forward to having a year of healthy living. (can you hear me knocking on wood?)
Good luck with the reno’s. I don’t have any words of wisdom there. I lived through a basement reno, but that went very smoothly and finished ahead of schedule.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 7:27 am.
Amy I am so sorry about your inlaws. It seems like when it rains it pours, and then the clouds break and everything is sunshiny again.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:05 am.
Oh Julia, big hugs to you. My mother always said “For every door that shuts, another one opens” and I am a true believer in that.
Never went through a reno and hope I never have to. I’ve watched those home renos on HGTV and there is NO way I could deal with that!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 7:53 am.
My mom says the same thing! I believe it, too. It has always happened for me that way.
You know when you are doing a project, you think, how cool would it be to do this and that…but there comes a point when you just want your stinking house back, and I am there, LOL
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:06 am.
(((Julia))) First, I’m so sorry about the husband bailing. I had wondered if something like that was happening since we hadn’t seen a Phoenix update in quite some time. I wish you peace of heart, exciting adventures and much happiness on the path ahead. You deserve them!
I had granite counters and wood floors put in my house last summer. The contractors stayed on schedule but I wasn’t prepared for the mess. A lot of mess! They generated enough dust that my alarm system thought it was smoke and set off the fire alarms. I wouldn’t have minded if the firemen had been cute and buff but…yeah, not so much.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 8:23 am.
Thanks, PJ. It happened last year, so I am finally coming out of the fog.
The mess! Ohmigod, the mess! There is dust in every corner, even the farthest point away upstairs!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:07 am.
Julia,
I am going through a reno right now. Its even worse when your husband is the contractor. Here’s how it all went down. He suggested making two closets and part of my office a big walk in closet for me. (I eagerly agreed) I moved all of my crap (clothes) into 4 other closets and he began construction on March 15th. He promised it would be done by April 1. Well, guess what? Still not done, and I don’t know where anything is. In addition I had to move everything out of my office so my desk, books and files are all crowded in the hallway. I am not happy. But as you say, it is just a bump in the road.
I am very sorry to hear about your husband and little boy. Those are tough bumps and I pray God will comfort you and richly bless you. I had a big bump last year and it was horrible. Hang in there, you are a smart and strong lady!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 8:27 am.
Lisa, that is exactly what I fear. And since I am not married to this contractor, I can’t let him know how I really feel, LOL! But won’t it be divine (for you and me) when it’s finished? Even if you don’t like what I did, promise me you will say you do and I will do the same for you
.
Thanks for the kind words. Someone else said it here–what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:09 am.
Julia, I think your ex is — well, there are no words I could print here that wouldn’t get me banned from the nets, so I’ll leave it at this: he’s a #$*&^%$^@&$#*&*@&$# IDIOT.
There. I feel better now. If you ever decide you want him thrashed, say the word. I’m from Tennessee and we know how to do that sort of thing.
As for The Cutest Toddler Ever (now the Cutest Kiddo Ever — seriously, those glasses are adorable!), having come from a family that took – and then gave back – a ton of cute foster kids, I know the pain of both having a strange baby dumped upon your doorstep and then giving him back just as you get him straightened out and healthy. I know how incredibly tough that was and yet you sailed through it with such grace. I was awed by that. Still am. You’re a quality person, Julia. Straight quality.
I’ve had my own bumps in the road … Husband 1.0 went through a midlife crisis that included a 23 year old Hooters waitress. That was a rough time, though now I consider it my Independence Day. Had I stayed married to such a shallow, selfish person, I wouldn’t have accomplished all that I have. Some of life’s little bumps actually push you up and over and not always down and out.
As for deadlines, shhhh! I’m not saying that word this week.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 8:30 am.
And let me say this about Husband 1.0. He’s @##%$#%@!*#* idiot.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 9:06 am.
Totally agree!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 4:21 pm.
Karen, you totally said it! We need to date (or marry) the losers before we find the guy who is right for us. Julia, when you least suspect it, love will come knocking on your door and a guy who is truly worthy of you will be there waiting with arms open wide and waiting to hold you close and treat you like the gem that you are.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 9:17 am.
Some men and women are idiots in their relationships. These guys are prime examples.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 9:37 am.
Aww, thank you Karen. I don’t think anything says friendship like the words, “Tennessee thrashing.”
.
I do know this – if I was still married, I wouldn’t be doing this renovation. HA! Victory is mine! In a few more days!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:11 am.
And the beauty of it all? NO MORE STUPID WALL! I can’t wait to see the final product. Please post! I so love renovations … in other people’s house. (teehee!)
And I’m here to Tennessee Thrash whenever you need it. Just say the word.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 12:52 pm.
Julia, you are one awesome strong woman, and yes, this too will pass…like a kidney stone…but it will pass.
Living with a new boxed toilet in my dining room during year 3 of the “I can do it myself” bathroom project I can relate to you. When the one remaining bathroom’s toilet decided to act up in the middle of all of this and I had to announce to hewhoshallnotbenamedbutwithwhomIshareahouse that that bathroom would not be waiting for his diy prowess but would get a proper plumber by saying…”Gee Paw you think we could get an indoor flushie like the city folk any time in the near future?” I thought would spur him to speeds beyond those of common man. But it did not. However I am assured that this will happen prior to the end of the summer or I may call upon assistance. I’ll let you know how that goes
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 8:30 am.
BTW we did get the one fixed.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 8:32 am.
Oh Pesky. I know how you feel! I was never very good about spurring anyone into action. Well, I take that back. I was very supportive and cheerleady about law school, and we see how that worked out, LOL.
Lets us know if you have indoor plumbing by the end of the summer!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:13 am.
Luckily Julia, this is the upstairs flushie, he’s not allowed to touch the downstairs one that he wanted to do in tandem until he finishes the upstairs one.
Gotta draw the line somewhere, and at least one toilet operational at a time is mine.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 4:59 pm.
I think renos only happen on schedule when you have someone from HGTV or the like do them…. They have a television schedule to keep!! My grandfather once said, “it will take twice as long and cost half-again as much” when talking about renovations… I hope this isn’t the case for you… Hey, if Stupid in Phoenix isn’st smart enough to stay with you… he doesnt’ deserve you..
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 8:31 am.
I just talked to the guy about cost, and so far, we are within budget. It’s just the time factor I am dealing with. But that was a load off! And thank you, Cate. I appreciate the kind words
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:13 am.
We renovated the house we’re in now for 10 years. While we were living in it. Did dishes in the tub once for weeks. I actually did get pretty zen about all that. It was going on too long not to be.
I’ve also been at this book biz so long that I know things will work out. However in the middle of a major rewrite (total POV overhaul anyone?) I am not very zen. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought “If THIS book works out I’m a genius.”
Of course what I think has worked out and what others do are often two different things, but that’s a blog for another day.
At any rate, I know YOU’RE a genius, hubby’s an idiot, the house guys WILL finish, and the cutest little guy in the world will always adore you because hey you’re a genius.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 8:34 am.
THank you Lori! I will be sure and tell my editor that you think I’m a genius when she questions my brilliance. Like you, what I think is genius is not always regarded as genius by others. haha.
Speaking of the little guy, I am going to his kindergarten graduation tomorrow. He’s gone from cutest toddler ever to Cutest kindergartner who talks too much in class and doesn’t like to finish his work because “he would rather play.” They are letting him go to first grade in spite of it.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:16 am.
Feel free to use my name with your editor.
How adorable about graduation! The cutest kindergartner is way ahead of the curve. We’d ALL rather play than finish our work.
See how I’m on TGB rather than reading through my latest “wow if this works I’m a genius” book?
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:26 am.
Bumps in the road, I can only think of two for me that really count as big ones. The initial job hunt after college was h-e-double hockey sticks. Hubby (then my fiance) and I both hunted, he got one so when we got hitched we moved from MI to NY so he could work and I could job hunt. It took 4 years after college to get a job that wasn’t just a retail placeholder to get me out of the house… freakin’ depressing – literally. I felt awful and wanted to die, good thing they have great counselors at the church hubby and I found, they helped majorly.
Bump number two, I got pregnant, very much intentionally, and everything was going great, checkups were fine, and I was doing my best to be healthy. So two days after a checkup where things were a-OK I’m thinking I’m horribly constipated, turns out labor can feel that way (why doesn’t anybody tell you that!). I end up at the hospital and it’s 3 months + a week or two early. I’m in shock wondering if baby will have any chance. Well, by the grace of God, heaps of awesome medical stuff and staff, and 3 months of the NICU (thank you Ronald McDonald house for making it possible to be by him the first 2 months when he had to be in a hospital an hour away from home) our little boy pulled through wonderfully. He’s munching his Cheerios and watching me type this
There have been others, but compared to the above, they just don’t count as more than minor dips.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 8:52 am.
Oh, I agree with what Karen Hawkins said about the hubby, and LoriHandeland is definitely right in that the little guy will always love you (I’m biased and my little guy is the cutest to me).
On a lighter note, my folks added a second floor to their house one summer, waking up with tarp for a roof (it was over the bedrooms) to 7 am banging, all summer long or at least most of it anyway, ughhh.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 8:59 am.
At least the banging only lasted a couple of weeks. I think I would lose my mind.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:19 am.
Hooray, Miranda! That must have been so frightening (both things) and what a blessing you have!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:17 am.
You are a saint. A diva? Please. Not even close.
I have the worst renovation story of all time, the kind that will curl your hair, and you don’t want curly hair, do you? Better if you don’t know my vile, disgusting, horrific story. But it’s BAD. Really bad. Lawsuit bad.
But. In an all’s well that ends well kind of way, it did end and the house looks great and the pain fades with time.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 9:01 am.
I have my moments, but thanks for choosing not to acknowledge them, Claudia.
Don’t tell me your renovation story. I believe you. I believe yours is disgusting and horrific and I don’t want to go there.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:20 am.
Come on Claudia, you can’t leave people hanging on like that! I now have this urge to be all nosy and ask for details!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:23 am.
No, it’s truly vile. The worst story you’ll ever hear. You really don’t want that in your brain.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 2:52 pm.
Oh Julia, so sorry to hear all you’ve been through – hugs to you. It may be tough at first but you will get through it. And you have a great support group here
Our house was a fixer upper. So for the first eight years I had been living through some sort of project. One of the worst was digging out the basement. The dirt was so dry that it turned to powder so the workers had to spray it down with water. That still didn’t keep the dirt from getting EVERYWHERE!
But that wasn’t as bad as the time we had our roof done. The contractor gave us the news that the ridge beam over the kitchen was cracked (that part of the house used to be a porch). So, after pulling another permit they began to fix it – only to find out that the sill plate was rotted when they went to put it in. They had to remove all the walls to fix it. So, I could walk in my kitchen and see the sky and the entire neighborhood. My son was 6 months old and I only had a microwave in the living room. Hey, at least I got a brand new kitchen now.
I am a little worried lately. I saw some sketches that my dh did of a second story on the house…
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 9:15 am.
SuzyQ!! Talk about saints – you must be one! That is horrible!
A second story, huh? That sounds like more blue skies to me, LOL
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:22 am.
Julia, you’ve had a tough time of it and I’m sorry. But, from one survivor to another, it gets better. You know that but sometimes it’s hard to remember, I know.
Renovations? I have had one functioning bathroom for going on 3 years now when I should have 2. First it was the downstairs (90% done and holding) and now the upstairs is demolished down to the studs and hasn’t had anything done to it it about 7 months. Hubby and I decided to do it ourselves. I got pregnant and had to quit (3 years ago) and now he’s done enough that I can’t pick it back up because I don’t know where he is in the construction and he says it would take him at least a day of fiddling up there to remember. Needless to say, he hasn’t taken that day yet. So, there it sits. Undone. And here I sit with a month with nothing to do. UUURRRGGGGGG!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 9:43 am.
Torture!! Do-it-yourselfers should have to take a test to see if they can a)stick with the project and b) remember what they were doing.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:24 am.
Big D is the KING of do-it-yourself, and I am his willing handmaiden. Actually, I’m the brains of the outfit and he’s the muscle.
I am so happy I have a live-in construction/car/carpentry/plumbing guy.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 2:53 pm.
I was just wondering the other day about your wall project. Glad I did not ask! But hey, did they fix the light in the kitchen?
I am trying to look forward and not back. There have been many bumps in the road but they have made me who I am and ready for what is ahead. Easy to say but harder to live! But I do try not to dwell on the past.
My Mom always said that you could count your friends by how many showed up late at night, with a shovel, to dig a deep hole to bury the body. I am sure you would have a great number of people in the back yard! Not saying you would need that but know we would be there…
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 9:44 am.
Kez, what a great saying. And I can’t tell you how comforting it is to know that I have an army of gravediggers here at Goddess blogs.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:24 am.
I am so sorry for all you are going through. I’m a great believe in what goes around comes around so the idiot will get his. The first major bump we had was our seizure prone baby. I use to be shy but after fighting doctors, nurses, schools, etc. I’m not nearly as shy. John is high functional retarded who still has seizures. He is married and lives in a house that we rent to them. My husband renovated our only bathroom. I came home from work to find the bathtub and commode in the backyard. John went to a neighbors to use their bathroom. We immediately moved to our RV which was living in a campground a few miles from home. We lived there all summer.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 9:56 am.
Now that is not something I would want to come home to, Sandi. I felt my blood pressure tick up a notch just reading your post. I hope it all worked out and you are back in your home!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:26 am.
Julia, to quote everyone else: you are amazing, a genius, a saint, the best ever, etc. All of it is even true! I want to give you and everyone else with all their crazy stories a giant HUG. Please have an internet hug on me, all of you.
I don’t have any renovation stories. I do remember when I was a kid that one of the bathroom sinks was leaky for about 3 years before my dad finally fixed it, but that’s the worst I have. I haven’t been involved with much in the way of renovations, though I have been through many bumps in the road.
*more hugs*
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 10:47 am.
Thank you, Monica! I have to admit, I can’t see that enough (amazing, genius, saint, etc). I accept your internet hug and return it!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:27 am.
Yay, internet hugs!
Posted on May 25, 2012 at 2:43 pm.
Julia, Congratulations to you on thriving despite the bumps in your road!! And what KarenH said, ’round these parts, we know how to hide bodies.
This kitchen wall – this too shall pass. (My sis’s closet size kitchen, 9 months to reno)
I too have thrived despite that unexpected bump that I thought would leave me living in a shack with nothing and no one wanting me for anything. It took less than 6 months to figure out that bump was the best thing that ever happened to me and my sense of self worth.
To end on a less empowering tone, someone once told me “You can always count on people to disappoint you.”
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 10:48 am.
And another thing…. (shakes finger in your face)
DIVA moment? Are you @#$@$ing me? Try kitten with a whip.
Let’s visit any New York or Beverly Hills department store and you will be schooled on how to be full-on diva.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 10:55 am.
Deal!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:29 am.
And you have a fabulous life from all accounts, Fresh. Good for you!
As for the saying, isn’t it so sadly true? I have to say I have never been so disappointed as I was last year. But you know what? I have a dog that never disappoints me
.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:29 am.
Julie, I live in a house that is nearly 100 years old. No, it’s not a historical building but it’s quite dear to me as nobody but my family lived in it. I became the owner in 1982 and since then, I’ve been dealing with contractors all the time. They tend to promise a lot, but don’t always keep to their word. What works best for me is having them sign a contract in which they promise to be ready at a certain time or else they pay a fine! (They say we are ‘difficult’ people, because both my sister and I work in education and we tend to make comments if something is not to our liking.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:03 am.
Oooh, how cool, Nickie. I would love to see your house. I should have done what you said, but it seemed like such a little thing. NOT.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:30 am.
You’re always welcome to stop by if ever you visit Belgium, Julia. I like to receive guests, and will treat them to everything that is typical for our parts – like fine dining, great beers and all that chocolate!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 1:16 pm.
Oh….girl. (((((HUGS))))) First, I’ll just say that ‘husband’ was an imprudent boob, and you, sweet Julia, deserve MUCH better. I’m like Karen. I would call him something else, but I would likely get banned…scratch likely. I would DEFINITELY be banned.
I know that everything will work out. You just have to take one day at a time. We haven’t had to do reno work, but I’m sure it will be coming soon, as we have been in our house for 10 years now, and things are starting to break down. I’m just praying our A/C will last for one more summer. Last summer almost killed it…..it was SOOOOO hot and dry for SOOO long, as you know living here in TX.
Not to get too religious online, my mother always told me that God never gives you what you can’t handle. Sometimes I wonder why He has so much faith in me…it feels like I have entirely too much thrown at me at once and I just want to stop the world and get off for awhile. My son is currently being quite the turd, my daughter, SIL and granddaughter (who is teething and quite unhappy at the moment–poor munchkin) are still living in our house, and the hub is VERY unhappy with his current job (and he had gotten the SIL a job with that company so, although a couple of other things have come up, he doesn’t want to leave for fear that the SIL will be fired for some trumped up reason if the hub leaves) so after working a full day at MY job, I come home and usually cook dinner for a full house, and I get to listen to the hub gripe about all the issues that happened that day. Then the weekends come around and I get to tackle Mount Washmore, etc. I know things will look up–not in my time, but in His. I just have to keep reminding myself of that–sometimes several times an hour.
Just remember we all love you, love what you do, and support you. Sometimes knowing that gets you over those bigger bumps.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:19 am.
I just re-read my post….I hope it doesn’t read like I’m griping about my life. I’m not! I’m SO blessed to have my family close to me, even though they work my nerves on occasion. Sometimes there are just too many issues. Last week the SIL had gotten rear-ended in their only car on his way home from work, he’s fine, but only car is now totalled, so they are having to borrow mine while dealing with insurance mess, and it’s been a lot for my daughter, plus said teething baby, and grumpy guys coming home from dealing with the jerk-face boss, so it’s been tough. But, it will get better, I know it, so we are just working as hard as we can. One day at a time.
I remember that show… with Schneider the maintenance guy–LOL. Ok, better get to work now.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:27 am.
No, not at all, Julie. It sounded like bumps in the road. And thank you. Those words of encouragement are so helpful and dear to me. I love you guys, too.
As for ACs, the thought did occur to me earlier this week, “wouldn’t it be crazy if the AC went out and you spent all your money on this stone arch?” hahaha…tempting fate!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:33 am.
Been there, both places, rennovation and divorce. Not in the same year, thank heaven.
And I’d love to be zen about things. I always imagine that I am, but in truth, I’m never actually zen about anthing.
The great thing about rennovations is the relief when you’re done.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:45 am.
I think I am the same way, Barbara. I perceive myself as zen, but no one else does.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 12:18 pm.
Contractors’ internal clocks run about 50% slower than homeowners’, especially when they’re at the mercy of subcontractors rather than employees. I hope peace returns to your house soon!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 12:19 pm.
Me too! I hope that three kids can exist here this weekend, but I am having my doubts
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 1:27 pm.
Life can definitely toss in the obstacles. While they can seem horrid at the time, I have definitely learned that life goes on and sometimes those awful times lead to some really great ones. *hugs* to you, Julia. I know you will continue to thrive and be the awesome person you are.
I am fairly zen about most things.. it is a learned trait for me. I have always been somewhat even tempered, but now even more so.
As for renovation stories… some friends of mine decided to gut and remodel their kitchen. They anticipated a couple weeks. Six MONTHS later, they still had no kitchen, a refrigerator in the garage they used to store food and a BBQ they used to cook with – but mostly, they ate out. The kitchen ended up being wonderful, but those six months were rather interesting.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 12:24 pm.
I am soooooooo glad I didn’t do a full remodel of the kitchen, Sheridan.
And thanks for the hugs!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 1:27 pm.
I have a major bump heading my way. I am staring down the barrel of a summer with two teenagers who are already saying “I’m bored” SHEESH!!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 12:33 pm.
Yeah. Nothing quite like it. Been there done that, Gail
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 1:28 pm.
Thanks for sharing, you are not alone with the ex-hubby story…TRUST.
Last night, I had water dripping through AC vents downstairs in my family room, while two sinks are clogged and backing up from…well…where? That’s the million dollar question. The hubby is swamped at work (but the son of a plumber) so all I can do is keep the upstairs AC off and continue to scoop water out of sinks until he gets home again tonight. Meanwhile legal docs that have to be postmarked today…etc.etc.
Into every life…LOL
Glad your renovations are nearly through and you found writing at Sbux easier than you imagined and you managed to find time to run a race
It’s through the fires of adversity that we forge a strong blade. How we choose to wield that blade that blade that determines are own end.
I wrote this about 15 years ago as a single mom, working 3 part-time jobs and raising two kids.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 12:46 pm.
Ouch, Nitty! That’s too many jobs, and dare I say it? Too many kids! I find they are hard enough one at a time. Two and three together, and I am exhausted.
I do trust I am not alone. But it still sucks. xoxox
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 1:30 pm.
I want to see the pics when the renovation is finished, Julia!
Ah, the bumps in the road. I just try to tell myself that without them, we wouldn’t appreciate the smooth stretches as much.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 1:11 pm.
True enough, Suz. I would be complaining about smooth stretches, I am sure.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 1:30 pm.
What smooth stretches?
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 2:55 pm.
Julia, you are a trooper who will never let life get the best of you. Keep up the good work and don’t let the bad guys get you down.
I’ve had many bumps in the road, including being about fifteen minutes from being homeless, but my bout with kidney failure tops them all. I’ve settled into a routine of dialysis three times per week, but the thought of facing that the rest of my life is sometimes overwhelming. I haven’t done any testing yet to see if I’m a candidate for a transplant, but with the waiting list four to five years I’m not too confident. I’m almost 66 years old. DD# 2 is willing to be tested, so we’ll just have to wait and see what happens.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 1:25 pm.
Donna, hugs to you. That’s a burden. But I think 66 is pretty young, so I hope your daughter is a match.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 1:31 pm.
Well, Julia, I’d say that maybe you were owed a Diva Moment by the Universe for screwing you on the husband front. I will just say that he must be blind and stupid. I’ll send good thoughts your way, and pray that we don’t have to put together a fund to bail you out of jail if this contractor doesn’t hurry up and finish soon! Good luck on the renovation, and the recovery from last year’s crap. Hugs…
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 1:46 pm.
Thank you Dana! It’s not looking good…the painter just showed up. Something about finishing another job. I was sobbing and didn’t hear him.
Thanks for the hugs!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 2:23 pm.
I think I know how a redo on a house is like. We had Hail damage three years after we moved in to our home and had all kinds of contractors come by, and picked one that had a good price, but after it was all done it was more them what was one the original contract. Good thing the Insurance company paid for it. And for the Stink Pot in Phenix, my mom had a saying “what one does to a loved one good or bad, it will come back to them three times good or bad”. So “what goes around, comes around”.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 2:10 pm.
In my case, the hard part is done. It’s the annoying little things like paint and clean up they can’t seem to finish up.
What goes around comes around–some days I hope it’s a mack truck. Other days, I think I am above that. ha. So much for being zen, right?
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 2:29 pm.
Zen with a glass of wine. The little things can be a pain too. Hope them clean up GOOD when they get all done with your kitchen.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 3:07 pm.
They not them sorry have not have much sleep in a few days
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 3:11 pm.
Golden Rule of working with Contractors
-in the bid, put that if they are late either deduction in pay or they pay for every day day and any repiar needed within a 3 month time
- and when they say 3 weeks it is 9 = add six weeks to the schedule they give
When life gives a bump in the road, sometimes it is a detour – go with it, even through the pain – there is a greater reason yet to be laid forth and life lessons to be learned. The more you fight it the more it will hurt and push back.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 2:56 pm.
Good golden rules all the way around, Carla. Thank you!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 3:17 pm.
When my dd was born, I was excited since I’ve 4 sisters and 2 very quiet brothers. I *thought* I was ready for a girl. The first 3 years of her life were so emotionally and physically exhausting because I didn’t expect a drama queen who never slept. As awful as those years were, I learned the most on how to be a good parent with boundaries, remaining calm, etc.
We remodeled a tiny 3/4 bathroom and slightly larger laundry room about 4 years ago. It was supposed to take 2 weeks. It took 5 weeks because the contractor didn’t plan accordingly (like considering the drying time of the cement for the tile shower and floor and that Passover would be during that time.). Then, there were the unforseeable occurrences – first, the wrong sink was sent (drop in and not the pedestal), then, the second one arrived completely broken, and the shower door was all wrong. We had to get a custom made shower door, which took a little time. We were lucky that I just happened to stay home one day because the shower door installers just showed up without calling. Honestly, this bathroom doesn’t look as good as the one that was done by our friend, who’s a contractor.
I think Karen Hawkins summed it up best about your ex. What a jerk!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 3:47 pm.
Oh Janae! That’s parenting by fire, isn’t it?
I thought about enlarging my bathroom, but seriously, after this…I think I will get off the renovation train for awhile. There is lots I’d like to do, but I don’t want to come home and find my toilet and tub in the yard, LOL
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 4:16 pm.
Julia, men usually only have one working brain cell and it isn’t in their head and that dazzle-frazz in Phoenix proves it! At least he didn’t ask you for a good picture of himself to give to his girlfriend like mine did; he never got any pictures good or bad after that.
We have been discussing enlarging our front porch to run the length of the house. Still want to remove the pantry (loath it) and put in floor to ceiling cabinets. Back deck is wanting to be enclosed for more living space. I lost my garage to the g-sons, it is now a man-cave complete with weights. TV to be installed after new door is in place in the back.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 3:52 pm.
Not sure what a dazzle-fraz is, but I like it!
So, what you’re saying is, the renovation thing never ever ever ends. Is that what you are saying?? (she asks, blood pressure rising)
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 4:13 pm.
Dazzle-frazz is when you can’t say that OTHER word but you REALLY want to. Basically it can be, on occasion, the dog’s business.
It ends eventually, but then you see something else that just needs a LITTLE tweaking to be perfect. And, it that the shade you absolutely can’t live without on the walls or should it be a smidge darker?
It never ends, take your meds.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 4:22 pm.
Oh, do *I* have a story for YOU, my friend. I too decided there was never a good time for renovations. Hubby was going to have them repair sheet rock and take down wall paper and paint. That’s all. But we’d been talking about making changes for a while (updating the bathrooms and kitchen), so when my contractor said, “You know, while I’m in here doing this, I could …” I jumped on it. Even though I had a book due two months later. That I was behind on. That had very little leeway since it was a Christmas book scheduled for Christmas (go figure). I said, “Go ahead! Let’s do it all! Yay! Just leave me alone while it’s being done.” Ha ha ha ha.
Next thing I knew I was being dragged into looking at knobs and consults on granite and furniture shopping and oh, all sorts of crap I didn’t count on.
I did get through it (actually, some of it is STILL going on, but it’s a whisper compared to the shout that it was). I turned the book in a few weeks late, but it turned out well (I think). I survived. And I LOVE my new kitchen/bathrooms/bedroom/dining room/hall/living room. Love them.
One piece of advice, though. The magic words, “I have a book due, damn it!” which work so well on my family and friends, don’t work on contractors. I have no idea why.
Oh, and my brother’s bathroom remodel, which was supposed to take 3 days, took 3 weeks. He and his wife and his two kids were living with my parents all that time. It was not a happy time for anybody.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 4:14 pm.
That’s exactly what i did! It started with a wall and morphed into other projects and into new furnishings!! At least I don’t have to live with my parents, hahaha
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 4:57 pm.
One more thing–I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, you are an Amazon of a woman, who deserves everything life can offer, and I think cleaning out the deadwood (i.e., schlub in Phoenix) will only help you thrive. That’s my belief. And a renovation is a great way to celebrate beginning a new (and better) life!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 4:33 pm.
Thanks Sabrina! xoxox
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 5:00 pm.
What is it about law school? My brother quit his job and moved across country literally so his wife could attend law school, during which he worked to support her. Then she wanted to get a master’s also so he kept working and she kept going to school and then she told him she didn’t want to be married anymore. They had been married 18 years besides so it was quite a shock for him. He has since moved on and I’m glad you did also, but still, lawyers (at least some of them) suck!
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 6:23 pm.
Boy, does that sound familiar. Your brother and I would probably have a lot to talk about. I am sorry to hear it, I know how painful and shocking it is.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 8:46 pm.
It hurts like a hot poker through the eye, but one day you will wake up and realize you wouldn’t have him back as a gift with diamond ribbons. I still remember the day mine called one day while I was at work and I had to ask who was calling and when he said Dan, the only one I could think of was the yard man. That is a lovely memory for me, I knew I was over him.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 9:05 pm.
hahaa! Evlqn, you make me laugh. Not to go on about it (seems like we should be drinking margaritas somewhere), but it would have been one thing if I had seen it coming. But I didn’t. Fodder for a book, for sure! Muwahahahaha
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 9:32 pm.
You don’t see it coming, that’s why they call it blindsiding. I would have bet anything he was giving the same value to our vows that I was. OOPS! But I really am more happy without him, and I (& the bank) own my home instead of being a renter. I don’t answer to anyone I do not wish to, and I don’t have to find his socks anymore.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 9:41 pm.
I read this post first thing in the morning, and have thought about you all day. I don’t know what more I can add, but I do agree with all the others. Hugs to you and happy thoughts for a better tomorrow.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 10:28 pm.
Oh Amanda, thank you. That’s really sweet and I appreciate it so much. I am okay. It happened last year and I am happy to say I have emerged from the fog.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:30 pm.
Okay, A) I’m from Pittsburgh, so I don’t know much about this Tennessee thrashing, but I’d be willing to bet I could run back-up fairly well. Let me know if a road trip is in order
B) My cousin grew up with several foster children, and she was able to get in touch with several of them later in life through Facebook. I know it doesn’t help much when you’re saying good-bye, but you’ll have a more profound effect on him than you’ll ever know.
C) Have you ever seen “Under the Tuscan Sun”? The movie version, not the book. (I’ve heard rumors that the book is amazing, but I loved the movie so much that I’m afraid I’ll hate an incredibly well-written book, so I’ve just avoided it.) Halfway scrolling through the blog posts, I realized that this is practically the opening plot of the movie. Legit. So although there’s still several tough scenes to survive, I figure the adventure is just beginning.
D) I don’t usually get to the blog before late evening anymore, and I’ve stopped writing responses a lot since I’m sure most people miss them. But if you’re still checking at the end of the day/tomorrow morning, I’ve got my fingers crossed for you.
Posted on May 24, 2012 at 11:33 pm.
christina, thank you. I really apprecate it. I would put you on the back up team anytime!
Posted on May 25, 2012 at 10:17 am.
I hate to be a cynic and have bitter thoughts but aren’t you the one who encouraged him to try this law course and move his stuff and do your wifely support
Posted on May 25, 2012 at 5:34 am.
Yes I did, Aussie Dee. I encouraged him to do whatever he needed to do to be happy.
Posted on May 25, 2012 at 10:14 am.
looks like we are all team Julia
Go Julia I’m sure the house will be wonderful when finished
Posted on May 25, 2012 at 6:40 pm.
Sending a (((BIG HUG))) to you from Alabama, Julia! Rest assured everything the little guy accomplishes in life will be a direct result of the start you gave him. And I sincerely hope his parents are smart enough to continue to make you a big part of his life. Can’t get through life without a solid foundation and you are his. Never doubt it.
After Karen finishes with the Moron in Phoenix we’ll add and ALL DAY ALABAMA ASS WHOOPIN’! to his plate. After which we will borrow a truck an introduce what is left of his carcass to a scaly friend of mine at the alligator farm who specializes in eating low-life, scumbag, imbecilic, sorry excuses for the male of the species. All that is needed to make them palatable to my scaly friend is a heavy dose of lemon and tabasco sauce (we can apply it after we scrape his worthless hide from head to toe with number 4 sandpaper!)
And my renovations ALWAYS end up taking three times as long as I thought, costing twice as much and making four times the mess I thought they would. My brothers thought to surprise me by redoing my ancient back porch while I was at work one Saturday. I got home to (1) a lovely new back porch. (2) A broken living room window where they dragged the old porch away from the house with a four-wheeler and one of the support posts fell backwards instead of forward. (3) A cut down Cyprus tree I had planted 20 years before because it was in the way of them dragging the old porch away.
I swear I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. But when my nephew told me how quickly they packed up their tools and jumped in their trucks like the Three Stooges to get away before I got home I had to laugh.
My next project? Redoing the hall bathroom. Pray for me. My brothers, however, will NOT be helping me.
And Julia, you do know the very best revenge, don’t you?
Living well, is the best revenge. And I know you’ll do that up in spades!
Posted on May 25, 2012 at 10:13 pm.
Heya i am for the first time here. I came across this board and I to find It truly useful & it helped me out much. I hope to give something again and help others such as you helped me.
Posted on September 7, 2012 at 7:45 pm.