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When I was a girl, I had pen pals. Lots of them. I wrote letters to anyone who would write me back, as a rule. That included my 
grandmother, friends from camp, a cousin who went to jail for a short stint, my uncle who wandered, my friends who moved away.
I also had actual pen pals, people I’d never met who lived in places I’d never been. One was a girl from Long Island. She was Greek and wrote in purple ink, and her life was exotically different from mine. We were pen pals for quite some time, a couple of years, maybe. Others didn’t last as long. At one time, I had perhaps a dozen correspondences going.
We found each other through a kind of mailing that went around in those days—almost like chain letter, where a very unfancy booklet, usually made of notebook paper cut into a four inch square then stapled at one end, made the rounds via the mailbox. You wrote your name and address down, yoflicur age and interests, then looked through to see if anyone seemed a likely friend, and wrote them a letter. Sometimes, you heard back. Sometimes you didn’t. Sometimes, a frequent correspodent would suddenly stop writing, for no apparent reason. Sometimes, that person was me.
It was exquisite to get a letter in the mail. Opening the box to find an envelope with your name written by hand, often in very good handwriting, because we tended to be vain about that. You would carry it inside and get something to drink, or maybe a snack, and carry it away somewhere private to read. Sometimes it would be a long letter, sometimes shorter. Sometimes there would be pictures. One of my pen pals drew exquisite things on the outside of the envelopes, little works of art that were meant just for me.
Letters opened the world to me, and as a result, they show up a lot in my novels. One of the first to use letters was a category romance called The Last Chance Ranch, and the letters narrate the heroine’s time away from her son, when she was forced to give him up after killing her abusive husband. At first, Silhouette turned the book down when I refused to get rid of the letters. Then they came back to me and agreed to publish it the way I wanted to write it. (It ended up winning a major award, which was quite satisfying, I have to admit.)
Another book that used letters is Night of Fire, which is the story of two lonely, lonely people who each think the other is an elderly scholar. Of course, they are not, and that’s where the fun begins.
The most recent is, of course, The Sleeping Night, which is the tale of two friends who fall in love completely through their letters and then must grapple with the consequences when fate brings them face to face.
I still adore handwritten letters and have toyed with finding pen pals, maybe in Europe or South America. What fun would that be?
Have you ever had a pen pal, or a long relationship via snail mail letters? Do you like to read letters in books?
54 Comments on “The Long Lost Power of Handwritten Letters”
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I tried having a penpal a couple of times but I really sucked at it. These days a large number of my friendships are conducted via email which I find is easier for me. New Guy and I met through an internet dating site and it has really worked out for us. With books I do like to read ones where the main characters have met through some form of correspondence. For example, Julia Quinn’s novel about Eloise Bridgerton and Sir Phillip conducted a most unusual courtship via correspondence and then there is Anne Avery’s novella where the characters met through email. Brilliant stories and made me cry.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 4:37 am.
I love that Anne Avery novella. She’s a great writer.
Email is definely the way things are done these days. I keep in touch that way myself, but sometimes I miss getting actual letters in the mail.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 11:27 am.
I had a pen pal when growing up. She was my neighbor’s cousin who was my age. We stopped writing when she went to college. I wrote my g-aunt for many years, right up until she died. She died the day I mailed her a letter. When my husband’s brother was in the service we wrote to each other. When he was in Nam, I got more letters than the rest of the family. I knew what he was happening to him since he told me things that he didn’t tell anyone else. Phil and I never ever told the family.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 6:27 am.
Plot line! I’m betting the writers here all perked up at that story, Sandi. Mim just say: I call dibs.
I’m sure it was sustaining for him to have a trusted confidant.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 11:29 am.
In the past few years I have been writing letters with my Great-Aunt, who is living in Ireland. It wasn’t until I started researching my Grandfathers family back in Ireland, that I realized she was still alive. It is nice to hear about a world I have never seen or family that I have never met. I have hopes of someday visiting her, but I know time is not on our side, with her being 94. I wish I had found her sooner.
I do enjoy letter books. The first one that comes to mind, that I have read recently is Lisa Kleypas’ Love in the Afternoon.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 7:38 am.
An Irish aunt is a pretty terrific kind of pen pal to have. I hope you can visit her one day.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 11:29 am.
Being one of the older generation (but not to old in my opinion)I am a letter writer. You see a great deal more emotion in a letter that is hand written as opposed to the computer generated type. Do they use a bold stroke to make a statement, is it light script, is it printed, what type of ink is used, etc., the insights gained from just looking before reading can be amazing.
How about the paper it it is written on! I use to go to the stationary department and spend a great deal of time trying to choose just the right type of writing paper that I thought matched my personality. Are there stationary departments anymore?
Handwriting analysis use to be very interesting. Maybe one of the heroines in a book could do this for the government and she could fall in love with the hero through a meeting this way. :O) I love to see old letters in a book! Love letters, political letters, yes. Even old recipes written out in my grandmother’s hand. Cursive is becoming a lost art.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 7:55 am.
I agree with everything you said, Debbie. stationary is so lovely, and I still have lots. They have sections in Hallmark stores, still, but nothing like they used to have!
I agree on the handwriting, too. It tells a lot.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 11:31 am.
My friend Judy moved between Kindergarten and 1st grade. Then when we moved in 2nd grade she was in my new classroom! We were very close until she moved again in high school – her Dad managed grocery stores. We were pen pals for a year or two. I still have one or two of her letters.
My favorite letter writing story is not a book but the movie “84 Charing Cross Road”. It is a lovely story and one of our favorites in the house. Anne Bancroft, Anthony Hopkins and Judi Dench – how could it be bad with a cast like that!
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 8:27 am.
I love that movie, too, Kez. Absolutely perfect.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 12:21 pm.
I just finished Cecelia Ahern’s Where Rainbows End. The entire book was a collection of back and forth letters. I really enjoyed it.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 8:31 am.
I’ll have to go look for it. She’s the Irish writer, right?
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 12:21 pm.
Yes. The one who wrote ps I love you
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 1:49 pm.
I loved to write & receive letters. I had pen pals from all over. Two girls in England; a young woman from Mauritius; and another from Japan. The Japanese girl sent me a tiny Japanese fan and a beautiful hand carved doll of an old gentleman dressed in traditional garb. I still have both. I wrote to the girls in England until one got married and the other simply stopped writing. The fun part of the two English girls was I met one through the Dave Clark 5 fan club and the other through the English Monkees fan club. The others I met through some kind of International Pan Pal group. I also wrote for a few months to a serviceman who was in Nam. To this day I have no idea what happened to him; if he is still alive. He simply stopped writing to me. I have every letter I received from him and all my pen pals.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 8:42 am.
I love it that you have the letters still, Sue. I used to have a big bag of notes that my best friend and I wrote to each other every night (after we talked on the phone for hours, after spending all day together). Somewhere, they got lost.
You could look up your pen pal from Nam, I bet. But maybe some things are left undiscovered.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 12:23 pm.
I love letters (although, I’m miserable at writing them)..I feel like they are a bit of a lost art in today’s world. My grandmother kept some of the letters she received from my grandpa during World War II. They’re lovely–she’s often said that how she got to know him best.
I do remember having a pen pal in elementary school, but can’t remember much beyond that.
I love getting letters (one of my college friends still writes them), but I also like the instant gratification (and convenience) of e-mail!
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 9:14 am.
When my grandmother died, I inherited all of her letters, and there were SO MANY. They offered such an amazing record of life and history, like the days they had to keep the kids home because there was a polio outbreak! In the group were a few from her mother, who died when my grandmother was five. That was amazing.
WWII letters are quite amazing. I bet the letters your grandfather wrote are lovely.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 12:25 pm.
I used to have a lot of pen pals. When I went away to cfollege I received a letter from someone almost everyday. That really helped because I was very homesick.
I’ve had a pen pal from Austrailia since before my kids were born. We still connect on FB once in a while.
I do like letters in books. I think they’re great for revealing backstory, character and voice.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 9:19 am.
I wonder if writers in particular are more likely to have had pen pals? An Australian pen pal is pretty cool.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 12:26 pm.
I had a pen pal once. I remember that I used to love receiving and writing letters to her. I have a feeling that our pen palship stopped due to my brother putting a snake in the mailbox once. Since then I have had a hate/hate relationship with the mailbox. I think it would be fun to have pen pals again. Do you think theres an age limit?
I have never minded reading books with letters in them. It doesn’t bother me at all. Congratulations for sticking to your guns with The Last Chance Ranch. It sounds like just one more book I will read by you!
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 9:27 am.
Before Skype and Email that is how we kept in touch with our Irish relatives.
It was funny the differences between the boys and the girls letters.
Boy letter:
Hi,
I got a dog. I am playing rugby. Our team won.
Do you have a dog, What do american kids play. Do you play a sport.
Girl Letters:
Dear Cousin Pesky
I liked your last letter very much. I can’t believe what that little girl did but I’m sure she deserved a frog in her desk, even if it was a very little one.
My friend, Mary Door and I aren’t speaking this week as she was mean to me at the bus stop….and it would go on and on
My girl cousins and I were very involved with the transgressions against us and seeking justice. Turn the other cheek came with time.
There’s this book on Civil War letters written from a dr. to his wife, with such beautiful evocative language that it is still one of my favorite books. I don’t think that type of writing is encouraged anymore. It should be.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 9:49 am.
I think letters made us think more clearly and concisely in a way. It takes longer to craft the words by hand, and you have more time to think about them. Email is quick, but not very often elegant.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 12:30 pm.
I had an aunt who lived in CA, which when I was young was a world away from the east coast so she never visited.I took to writing to her and we became pen pals. Eventually she made a trip back east and being a kid I just assumed she and I would hang out together. Of course she was an adult and other adults occupied her time instead. But I continued writing to her after that anyway
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 9:50 am.
I will admit, in addition, that the saddest part of the decrease in letter writing to me is the difficulty in finding really cool stationary. It is hard to find these days. I still buy a lot of notecards because I can use them when I send a reader a prize or book.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 9:56 am.
I’ve been wondering about that, thanks to the other comments on papers. I just went wandering around the Internet, looking for possibilities, but there really are not many. Etsy, maybe?
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 12:34 pm.
I just love to write those old fashioned letters. Writing them relaxes me like nothing else can. I really pour my heart out in them. I had a crush on this guy, Michael, from junior high all through high school. I never got the chance to sign his yearbook (we graduated together) in June of senior year. So I wrote him a letter, telling him what I would have said. He came to the place where I was working a few days after he got it, and told me that it was the most beautiful letter that he ever read! I will always remember that day, we went out to lunch together & I got a great big hug. I still prefer to write letters when I can, partially for the emotional release & because I think it’s one of the things that I do best. If given a choice, I’d take letters over emails any day; letters require time & thought & real feelings, something that I’m not so sure that emails can deliver on. I guess I should have been born in another era!
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 10:31 am.
I love that story, Maria! How sweet that he came back and talked to you. How great that you expressed yourself!
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 12:35 pm.
I had a penpal from Macclesfield, Australia, named Sue when I was in elementary school. She was by far the superior correspondent with beautiful printed handwriting and such an interesting life. I got so excited seeing her blue air-mail letters in the mailbox. Once she sent me a perpetual calendar that had a map of Australia on it. I enjoyed turning the little knobs to change the days and months and kept it on the dresser in my room in my parents’ house. For decades, I could see it every time I went home to visit and each of my children became fascinated by it. I didn’t throw it away until a few months ago when I was doing the final clean-out on my room.
Both parents have died now and the house will be sold. While cleaning out a closet I came across a box of letters from my junior year of college. It made for lovely, bittersweet reading. My mother and my best friend were the best writers; funny, lengthy letters that sounded just the way they spoke. They wrote often and made me feel like I was right beside them as they described everyday events. Both have died now and it was wonderful to “visit” with them again, even in so brief a manner.
There were letters from my best guy friend who I lost by dating him later and there were letters from my boyfriend at the time. It’s weird–he is on the list of bad boyfriends in my mind but, reading his letters again, I realized he really did care. It just wasn’t a changing-our-lives-for-the-better kind of love and we reached a point where there was no reason to go further. Reading his letters again made me feel a bit better about myself. For years I’d wonder: WHY did I date him? And then I had written proof that it hadn’t been wasted time. He wasn’t the right man but he’d been a good man.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 10:49 am.
Misty, that’s an excellent example of the kind of thing letters reveal about us. Memory is tricky, but we live life in real time. My ex-husband wrote beautiful letters, and he has very unusual, beautiful handwriting. He wrote me lots of letters and cards when we lived 1000 miles apart for most of a year.
Turned out, he kept the correspondence between us. I was mad at him (LOL) when we divorced, so I threw the letters aside. He kept them. I can still remember how I felt coming home from class, finding that beautiful handwriting on a letter on the floor.
Sweet memory that! Just popped up. Thanks.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 12:39 pm.
You’re welcome!
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 2:52 pm.
Although the handwritten note is lovely, I don’t long for those days because I feel like the internet has opened up the world in such a wonderful way. Just look at the way we’re all able to make such personal connections with each other here on The Goddess Blogs. Distance is no longer a barrier to communication, and instant back-and-forth conversational type communication at that.
THE SLEEPING NIGHT is such a beautiful storyline! Fraught with emotional complexity, tied to its time.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 10:54 am.
Good point, Susan, that we are forging intimate, powerful relationships online now. Just like this conversation here.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 12:40 pm.
I used to have pen pals during my teenage years. However, life and laziness has stopped it all. As for letters in books, I don’t mind them since they are poignant and relevant in the story.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 10:58 am.
You aren’t lazy, ER. It’s just the way life is now. None of us write letters now.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 12:40 pm.
I still get so excited when I get something in the mail hand addressed to me. There is nothing like seeing the handwriting of someone you care about. I love letters. I don’t get them very much.
I can remember a penpal, but I cannot remember who or where she was. I just remember writing letters and getting a couple. My brain has already begun it’s transfer to mush after 2 days in Anaheim.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 11:00 am.
For awhile, a friend of mine was between jobs and started writing letters to some of her friends and family. I was THRILLED to find them in my mailbox.
Maybe I should start writing them to people. Maybe some will respond. (Hahahah. Like there is time for that in my day.)
I’m kind of on the anticipatory end of Anaheim. All fizzy and excited to get there.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 12:42 pm.
I used to love to write letters, but my handwriting has deteriorated so badly over the years that now I can barely sign my name. 8-(
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 11:35 am.
I have to be very focused and pay attention if I write a letter. Same thing, my handwriting is scrawling now.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 12:43 pm.
I used to write a lot of letters-to family when I was in college or traveling, to college friends when we were out, and to in-laws after marriage. My parents used to write to each other to arrange dates-telephones were party-lines then. (You could hear each other’s conversations) I enjoyed Daddy Long Legs and Dear Enemy by Jean Webster (a story told in letters). I do miss getting letters. That’s probably why I enjoy getting Christmas cards so much.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 12:00 pm.
My grandmother had a partyline in a house in the country. The writer in me ACHED to listen in to all the conversations. Ached, I tell you!
Funny, I never send Christmas cards anymore, either. One year, I put together a newsy letter to send to everyone and a good friend was hurt, which was the opposite of what I intended, so I just gave it up.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 12:45 pm.
I remember having a pen pal when I was little. It still is a thrill in these days of junk mail on top of junk mail to actually get something that is addressed to me and hand written!
I love reading letters in books. I read a book once about Texas history and in it were letters that had been written by various folks that were instrumental in the separation of Texas from Mexico. They had a fluidity that no one uses today…they were beautifully written, both in words and in the actual writing itself. I’ve seen letters written by various Civil War era officers and their wives, and the penmanship was so lovely. I wish my handwriting was that lovely.
Nowadays, I e-mail a LOT. I talk on the phone all day at my job, the last thing I want to do when I am not at work is be on the phone.
My sister is one of those that just refuses to get a computer. 
She actually does hand write letters and send them with prints of photos rather than e-mailing photos around like the rest of us. It’s nice to get them.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 12:24 pm.
Julie, I’m so with you on the phone. I’m not on the phone all day, and I used to be a champion phone talker, but there are only a couple of people I’ll spend any time at all with on the phone these days.
Your sister doesn’t have a computer? I am trying to think if I know anyone who doesn’t have one.. oh, my mother in law doesn’t have a computer, and she lives in England, so I send her letters still. She seems to enjoy it. We’d really like to get her hooked up, though, so she could Skype with her grandchildren.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 12:47 pm.
I have horrible hand writing, but love to write letters. My pen pals were kids I met at camp, one of them became my college roommate, and we were each others Maid./Matron of Honor in our weddings.
There is always a letter in any card I send for birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas or other occasions. It has had the desired effect of getting some of the next generation to write letters in cards to me!
I think the social media, like Facebook has made letter writing less necessary. Still, I remain hopeful by the mailbox.
I do like like letters written into novels.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 1:40 pm.
I haven’t, and I am part of that generation where it was encouraged. I just couldn’t write to a total stranger! I had no idea what to say. I have had many happy hours writing letters, but only to people I was already close to. There is truly nothing as wonderful as getting a letter in the mail; it’s Christmas morning wonderful.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 1:42 pm.
I love to get a hand written letter. I think I can feel the person sentiment a little better in a hand written note… One thing I have been trying to impress upon my neices, is that a hand written “Thank You” note is still the way to go. This seems to be a lost art with the young people today….
But I was never a lover of chain letters.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 3:11 pm.
I miss letters so much. I miss setting aside time, thinking about corresponding, and then actually putting pen to paper. I don’t write nearly enough long-hand anymore. It was like using a different part of my brain, if that makes sense. I didn’t have many pen pals, but Grandma was a frequent recipient, even if she couldn’t write back. My other grandma wrote me one letter a week from the time I moved away for college until she could no longer read or write any more. Thus, I really miss personal letters.
Postcards! I miss sending people postcards, and getting postcards from exotic locales. That, too, is a lost art.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 3:28 pm.
Oh Barbara, please, I beg of you. If you are going to read an Irish author (and I am one, albeit feeble. Please make it Sebastian Barry and not Cecilia Ahern). His latest “On Canaan’s side” is exquisite. You would so enjoy it. Read both if you must, but oh, I’ll be quiet now.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 4:26 pm.
I promise to read him, Fiona. My friend from Ireland was just here this weekend and we talked about Sebastian Barry. He agreed that I’d love the man’s work.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 11:30 pm.
My junior high French teacher introduce us to an international pen pal service and I swear I became their best customer.
My first address was Paul in the UK. In my over zealous geeky excitement and Anglophilia, I wrote Paul a 9 page opening gambit filled with cringe worthy questions. Suprise! Paul didn’t reply. But Birgit from Germany, Veronica from Bristol, Colin from Fife, Twink from Torquay did write back and I wrote to them each all through high school. We exchanged so great gifts like records, compilation tapes and earrings.
My BFF had a great pen pal in Australia who stopped replying, despite her pleading letters to write back. After a year, his parents finally wrote to say he had died of an asthma attack. My heart broke for her when she got that. She was so regretful for the frustrating tone of her letters.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 4:31 pm.
Actually I write letters every week to our deployed troops. Through Soldiers Angels, I have “adopted” three of them and keep in contact with them via letters and email. They LOVE to get letters – there is something about having someone take the time to write a letter to you.
I remember as a child writing to my grandma and grandpa in the “country” (four hours away). My grandpa was a talented storyteller and would send us letters with little drawings all over them. I have a few in my scrapbook that I cherish.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 4:43 pm.
I love this, Josie. Maybe I should write to soldiers. That would be so satisfying.
(Thank you for doing that!)
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 11:31 pm.
I used to have a pen pal who lived in finland. I used to love getting letters from him. I have no recollection why we stopped writing to each other. i loved hearing all about life in Finland.
I get my boys to hand write all their thank you letters for birthday and christmas.
My eldest son has a ‘buddy’ in Germany and he went to stay for 3 nights at the end of june and had a fab time.
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 5:21 pm.
LOVE writing letters. Have had a pen pal I went to camp with in 7th grade for almost 30 years. Used to write to my grandmothers and now with them gone letters help me remember why I love them so much. Love the Griffin and Sabine trilogy because of the notes and letters. Loved how you used the letters in the Garden of Happy Endings… The ones he did not send… What a great subject to blog!
Posted on July 23, 2012 at 9:11 pm.
From the time we were 10 until we had kids at 27, my cousin and I were regular correspondents. We were pretty good even when we switched from writing to email until kids came along. Sadly, we lost touch for awhile, but we don’t talk like we used to all those years. I think it was in middle school I had a Japanese penpal. After high school when I chose an out of state college, I was in touch with my high school friends.
Then, there’s the Swedish foreign exchange student – 6’1″, blond, and some of the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen with the quirky sense of humor. Bengt and I were penpals for 18 months after he went back to Sweden. It was too bad that he left when he did because it was starting to be something a little more than friendship.
I miss getting real letters. I think that the last one I received was from my grandma a month before she passed away.
I like letters in books. I loved Yours Until Dawn by Terese Medieros, where she started each chapter with excerpts from the letters the H/H exchanged.
Posted on July 24, 2012 at 12:22 am.