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Suzanne Enoch and I were hanging out last night watching the Olympics and eating huge chunky chocolate chip cookies. Naturally, as couch-cookie-eaters tend to do, we found ourselves asking in which Olympic categories we could compete.
We decided quickly we could never swim because neither of us are very good at getting in or out of the pool. I mean … IS there a ladder? And if there is, would they deduct points if you had to dog paddle to it after your competition?
We don’t know for certain, but we think the judges might dislike that.
So then we discussed becoming synchronized divers, but the ugly issue of plagiarism kept coming up, so we decided we couldn’t chance it.
After that we quickly marked off fencing (Suzie kept wanting to use light sabers), pole vaulting (I’m allergic to bamboo), balance beam (that annoying powder they use makes us both sneeze), and curling (between the two of us, we have three weak ankles).
On and on it went – we’d name a sport, and then have to cross it off the list until … we hit it. The luge. That’s like planking, only you do it while sliding downhill. We could do that. And we’re pretty sure we could do it Olympic-well.
What about you? Could you luge? Pole vault? Balance beam? Sand volleyball? Swim? Fence? Ping pong? Long jump? Hammer throw? Name your poison!
61 Comments on “Planking . . . er, I mean luging.”
You can track this conversation through its atom feed.
I could watch. I’m very good at that.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 5:54 am.
Every star needs an audience. It’d be fun to do it together, eh? Maybe we’ll set up a Goddesses Who Watch Tour Group for the next Olympics.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 6:49 pm.
If I weren’t a plus sized woman and less flexible than what I was when I was younger I could probably do the gymnastics with the ball or hoop or ribbon on a stick thing. If I had kept it up I probably could have done weightlifting because I did it during high school and was pretty good at it. I could also do Tai Chi if it was an Olympic sport. I couldn’t do the diving because I am scared of deep water and heights, I also couldn’t do cycling because the last time I rode a bike I ran into a tree and buckled the wheel. Long story, really long story.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 6:48 am.
Lelly, is the ribbon on a stick thing a competitive sport? PERFECT!!! That one is definitely on the List!
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 6:55 pm.
Judging. I’m world class at judging.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 7:22 am.
All the cute boys would be at an advantage…
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 8:07 am.
*snerk*
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 10:42 am.
Snort.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 11:00 am.
We need good judges. Suzie and I know you like spa certificates, too. Not that we’d try to bribe you or anything … er. No. Not us.
Ahem.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 6:58 pm.
Are you telling me you couldn’t play ping pong? Seriously, WHY exactly is that a sport, and Olympic one at that? I don’t get it. Anyway, if you are talking Olympic caliber athlete I could do nothing, if you are talking about what I can do now, speed etc aside then I can do the following: triathlon, running (distance), cycling, swimming (free style, breast stroke and back stroke but really free in a distance) and that’s probably it. Unless they come up with just sledding for winter, that I could also do :p
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 7:46 am.
We watched the ping pongers. They were moving and stuff. Not our thing.
And I don’t know why half of the stuff that’s a ‘sport’ at the Olympics are included. We were amazed at some of them.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 6:59 pm.
Skeet Shooter. Seriously, I’m excellent at shooting skeet. Daughter is a swimmer, so we’ve been watching the swimming closely.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 8:03 am.
I love skeet shooting! I’m horrible at it, but I love doing it.
I hope we get to see your daughter there one day, Amanda. That would be AMAZING!
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 7:01 pm.
I would love to do archery! I’m not really much of a Summer Games fan. Some of the ‘sports’ don’t really feel like sports to me.
Maybe we should all just become the masseuses for the teams?
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 8:06 am.
Cail, now you’re singing my song — massages for every hard-bodied male athlete. I could REALLY get into that sport.
Btw, the Winter Olympics are my favorite. I can’t wait!
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 7:18 pm.
Well I lettered in walking in HS (I am not joking this is a recognized Olympic Sport and it has rules).
I could probably do badminton too…though it does involve running….
I think I’ll stick with olympic cheerleading, as in sitting on the couch and enjoying the fruits of others labor.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 8:20 am.
Pesky, come and eat cookies with Suzanne and me and we’ll all be well-fed, happy Olympic Cheerleaders.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 8:14 pm.
Many many moons ago I used to do gymnastics. Then a couple of moons ago I used to play field hockey. Sadly, I used up all my grace in that time, because I swear I don’t have an ounce of it left. Luge would be fun, and I’m pretty sure I can handle table tennis as well. Ultimately I am a good fan. I can sit and cheer them on for hours!
Cail may be on the right track though. I used to be a licensed massage therapist. I would happily get recertified if I could massage these guys. I mean, it would be for the good of the country, right?
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 8:42 am.
Oh, Kelly, the amazingly generous and enthusiastic way that you jumped right in and offered your services — you are a true patriot!
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 8:15 pm.
Luging looks too fast to me. I’m a speed weenie.
Is there an Olympic event for Reggie walking? I win!
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 9:38 am.
Luging will be fine … we plan on having our eyes closed, anyway.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 8:15 pm.
Isn’t it fun to couch-potato compete? I find myself screaming at the TV, “Come ON!! Kick it! Get GOING!” to the swimmers on their 6th lap. Meanwhile, I’m groaning that I have to shift my weight just to reach the remote.
My event would be crew. I would KILL to be a coxswain on an Olympic crew. While I was on crew in college, we had an Olympian on the team. I was drooling then and I’m still drooling. I just found out that my alma mater has the most Olympians of any American college.
Unfortunately, I’m not one of them. But I was waving-hi-friends with an Olympic gold medal swimmer—do I get points for that?
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 9:39 am.
Claudia, you yell, “GET IT GOING!” and I yell, “ARE THERE ANY MORE CHEETOS?” Lol!
You’d be a kicker coxswain. Seriously, you’re small, you’re tough, and you can make yourself heard. I’d row faster for you, too. I hope you get to do it one day!
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 8:17 pm.
Diving team was a possibility for several minutes. I use to be on a diving team when I was younger and took a couple of medals in a city competition. But after some thought I have decided I have gotten older and heavier and I don’t want to hit the board any more. Skeet shooting looks like fun! Use to do that but, on second thought the prescription on my glasses has been getting progressively thicker the older I get.
Luge… hummm… that thing looks a little small to me. When I lie down my fat spreads, Nope. Equestrian!!! Yes, that is for me. I ride, I have a horse, the horse really does all the work and he looks good too. Look at Hiroshi Hoketsu, Japanese Equestrian rider in the Olympics. He is 71 and still riding. Yep I can do that!!
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 9:57 am.
Debbie, the horse events are lovely to watch. And you’re right, the horse can make just about anyone look good … so long as they know how to stay on the horse. That would be my problem. :-/
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 8:18 pm.
Wait. A. Minute. Didn’t you post somewhere that you and Suzie would be writing? What is this “watching the Olympics”?
I would like to do the Volleyball, but I don’t think people would like to see me in a bikini.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 10:26 am.
It’s research. Research into handsome men. Yep.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 11:03 am.
I’ll buy that
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 2:47 pm.
And we’re writing about handsome men during commercials. That counts, too.
Sorta.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 8:19 pm.
In my head, I serve aces on the Olympic tennis court, I soar through the air on the uneven parallel bars, I swim like a fish in breast stroke and I sprint like wind on the 400 meters.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 10:27 am.
Oh, and I look GREAT in all that spandex
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 10:27 am.
YES! Can I live in your head, too, please?
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 11:14 am.
Come on in, Susan. There’s plenty of sports left
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 11:23 am.
Susan, I noticed that Julia said only that SHE looks that good, while she doesn’t mention the rest of us. For all we know, we could be trolls in orange cheerleading outfits spelling out her name as she rides by in her spandex on a unicorn.
I’m not going there.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm.
Who don’t, right?
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 3:55 pm.
Don’t they have horseback riding in there? I’d go for that.
If not, I claim torch guard, lighter and extinguisher. I can handle that and I dig fire.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 10:45 am.
And this year, David Beckham drove a speedboat that carried the woman who held the torch. You’d look good doing that … and grinning at him, too.
Yup. Perfect match.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 8:22 pm.
I would sign up for channel surfing as I am pretty quick with a remote and the political commercials are hurting my head!
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 10:57 am.
Kez, that’s a lovely skill to have. As for the political commercials, that’s what the mute button is for.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 8:24 pm.
LOL!!!!! Hysterical blog. My Pilates instructor would laugh herself silly at the thought of me doing any type of Olympic sport. Even planking is harder than it looks. LOL I’ll go with archery simply because I’m not sure it’s televised, so it would be less humiliating for me.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 11:14 am.
Susan, I keep wondering what sports aren’t televised. Archery? Putt putt? Tiddly winks?
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 8:25 pm.
Is Badminton an Olympic sport.. I think I could compete….
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 11:16 am.
I think it might be. I know the Hammer Throw is one. Who knows how to do the Hammer Throw? Weird.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 8:25 pm.
I could try ping pong ball catching. Not so sure I can hit it with a paddle anymore. Used to be fairly good but no match for the Olympians. also played golf and tennis, but not on a par with these guys. Besides, I have a hard time believing these qualify as Olympic sports. The other thing I’ve never understood is why professional basketball players are on the team?
@kez Remote jockey is a good one considering all the coverage they have to select from.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 11:38 am.
Dbrown, we had the same question about professional basketball players. How did THAT get through the system? If they’re professionals, then … I don’t understand.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 9:33 pm.
I think the only olympic activity that I could possibly excel at is fangirling.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 11:38 am.
And a lovely sport that is, Monica.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 9:33 pm.
I’m a great at folding towels, which means I’m great at unfolding them, too. I could handout towels to the men’s swim diving, and water polo teams at Olympic speeds. I’d even collect the towels for them, too.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 11:46 am.
Janae, SO thoughtful! Heh!
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 9:33 pm.
I am very good at massaging the sore muscles of the very hot male athletes. As a mom of three, I have given alot of baths over the years, and if said hot male athletese needed a good sudsing after OR before their event, I would be happy to oblige. I do not descriminate.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 1:03 pm.
Lisa, you give and give and give … poor thing!
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 9:34 pm.
I suppose I’d do well in judo. When I was a teenager, my cousin Freddy did judo, and he used to brag about it. Before he knew it, he was flat on the ground AND on his back, while I was sitting on top of him… Many a man has tried, but failed to push me over, get me to the ground, so yeah, I’d surely win gold in judo!!!
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 1:57 pm.
Nickie, you go! We’d love to see that and we’d cheer SOOOOO loudly, and hold our cookies up when you win, too!
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 9:36 pm.
I love sand volleyball used to play it too but not in those tiny outfits.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 6:14 pm.
Judy, those outfits don’t look all that comfortable. I wonder how much of that is to get larger crowds and more sponsorship money? They do play super hard, though, whatever they wear.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 9:37 pm.
If there was an Olympic sport where you could find hot guys for modeling or posing for the cover of wonderful romance novels, I’d like to try that. Of course, my hubby might have something to say about it…..
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 7:07 pm.
Robin, your husband could carry your bags of money that you make from representing those models. I don’t think he’d mind too much then. Heh!
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 9:38 pm.
I’d rather bobsled than luge – there’s a bit more protection with the sled if (when?) you crash.
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 9:43 pm.
It would have to be shooting for me. But it would have to be target and not skeet. I tried trap many years ago and just couldn’t track those clay birds fast enough. Just sit me somewhere and give me something where I don’t have to move and I will be fine. Do they have speed reading? I think I could medal with a good romance book
Posted on July 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm.
Don’t think I could handle luging–I’m a scaredy cat and can’t stand to go fast–first thing I learned how to do when skiing was to turn uphill to slow my speed.
I think I could do curling–I can sweep with the best of them. Plus, those Norwegian curling pants are just too, too, too, something for words.
Posted on July 31, 2012 at 1:24 am.
I could also join Pamiam as a speed reader–that would be a fun sport. And I can eat cookies while doing it.
Posted on July 31, 2012 at 2:02 am.