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I don’t know why it is, but there are some phrases that I can’t forget. Phrases that have been spoken by real people in my real life (as opposed to fictional people in my creative life) and that live on in my memory long after they were first uttered. No one could have expected that these phrases would live on for me, certainly I had no idea, but they have.
“I had a permanent bruise once, but it went away.” I said this, and I meant it, and my boyfriend at the time laughed for ten minutes. Okay, okay, I do know what the word permanent means. I do. This was a bruise I got by sticking my leg out of a amusement park ride, and my shoe got stuck in the track, and my body was locked into the seat, and man, did I get a bruise! I had that bruise on my shin for years. I’m still calling it permanent.
“The Birds is a ridiculous movie. Nobody in that town had a shotgun?” Big D said this and after I laughed for a few minutes, it did strike me that he had a point. The setting of all the mayhem was a rural fishing town. A few shotgun blasts would kill a whole bunch of birds and scare away the rest, or at least make them very wary. Mr. Hitchcock? I think you have a slight plot problem.
“I don’t know why the Pilgrims just couldn’t make a few adjustments and get along in England.” My mother said this when I was a kid in school and we were studying the founding of America. I still remember staring at her in open-mouthed shock. I thought she was missing the point entirely. She was equally certain she wasn’t.
”I think something’s wrong with my prostate.” Only Girl said this after listening to Big D review his annual physical. Her two brothers laughed themselves sick over that one. Only Girl is very suggestible. The boys will still occasionally ask her about her prostate.
Any phrases that have stuck with you over the years? Crazy moments you will never forget?
83 Comments on “Words That Don’t Escape Me”
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I once told mum that something was happening “down there”. I did use the word twanging and I still get paid out for it. Problem is, I was going through puberty at the time and it was a strange feeling. I also used to be asked “how’s the belly where the pig bit you?” I honestly thought that a pig had bitten me because I had a scar on my stomach and no idea where it came from. It was only a couple of years ago that I asked mum about it and she just about wet herself she laughed that hard. Apparently I had a wound on my stomach but what it was caused by I can’t remember, it just wasn’t caused by a pig bite.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 6:51 am.
Ohmygosh! I would have totally believed that a pig had bitten me! And then I would have lived the rest of my life with my eye out for nasty pigs.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 8:58 am.
I was kinda gullible for believing it for almost 30 years but when you have repressed large chunks of your childhood to the point that you don’t remember any of it then you tend to believe stuff like that. Thankfully I haven’t used any of my mum’s phrases on my friends’ kids – yet. I’m kind of waiting for more mumisms to come out of my mouth and it is disturbing when I find myself sounding like mum with her phrases.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 10:53 am.
Isn’t that the truth? Mom’s words really stick.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 11:40 am.
My father stepped on a rusty nail in the backyard and my young aunt was looking at the wound before he went to the hospital to get his tetanus shot and said, “Well, at least the dog didn’t step on it.” She meant of course that it would have been worse for the dog than it was for my dad but we all just looked at her like she was crazy. We still laugh about that one and, when someone gets hurt, say it to each other.
My father is famous for saying things he doesn’t necessarily mean just to start a debate and teach us how to defend our positions on various subjects. When I was about 15 he started a debate on a topic that many people use religion to justify and explain. I knew I had him when he started making up popes to defend himself, “Pope John Paul Jones said … ” That was the only debate I ever actually outright won against him. Boy did I learn a lot from those though.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 6:56 am.
ROFL!! That is SO funny about the dog. Seriously, I’m LOL.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 9:02 am.
“My resignation is in the glove department” said to cop acquaintance by a driver he pulled over and never forgotten by me.
“I like pretzels.” written to Zoom (remember the kids show?) in a letter requesting their pretzel recipe by my friend. It is now bastardized into “I like —–” spoken in a childlike reading staccato for anything ordinary.
“What state is Connecticut in?” asked by a client at the travel agency I worked in as an after school job, funny because Connecticut is part of our tristate area. In other words, I’d almost forgive this if it was said by someone who was 1000 miles away.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 7:39 am.
ROFLMAO!!!! Oh, Fresh!! It’s cold and stormy here on the east coast (as you know) and this is a burst of sunshiney hilarity.
Thank you!
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 9:03 am.
Today you could be clever and tell them that CT is in a state of Emergency! I always find it amusing when people don’t know where CT is.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 10:59 am.
Having lived there for 8 years, I don’t understand the confusion. There are a few highways going right to it.
They even have an airport!
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 11:41 am.
Youngest son always had a great way of saying things. He referred to Burger King as “Berber King” and Canada as “Cananada.” The entire family now uses these words too. I have hopes that we will all go to a Berber King in Cananada one day.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 8:04 am.
Cute!
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 9:07 am.
“Only use four squares of toilet paper” my Mother ranted to all of us (6) kids. She must have been pretty tired of running out of toilet paper. We recently called her on this and she does not remember the restriction. We all do!
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 8:11 am.
Big D, one of 7, used to get the same tirade from his dad. Same speech! Big D tried it on me when we were newlyweds. It didn’t work on me. Ha.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 9:08 am.
My Dad was fanatical about the yard (think Hank Hill fanatical) and so it was always “….you’ll hurt the grass…” He also called the Potomac River the “Pot-o-mock” I don’t know where he came up with that one, but as a result, I’ve started referring to Omaha as “Oh-mah-ha”
MIl and I were talking about kids songs. She warned me that if I were purple then I would get eaten. What? I pointed out that the thing was the purple and ate normal people. She was then sining “one eyed, one eared, flying purple people eater…” for about 10 minutes trying to figure it out…
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 8:47 am.
I used to hear that too! Hurting the grass. Now that I have grass I kind of get it.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 9:12 am.
I remember staying with my grandmother, and her beds were always cold, so one night I wanted to sleep with socks on. She said ‘you can’t sleep with your socks on in bed, it’ll cause bunions.’ I had no idea what bunions were, so as a kid I had pictures of onions growing on my feet. I don’t think I have ever worn socks to bed again.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 9:51 am.
Ha! I wonder why she thought that? I remember my mom telling me that eating the bread crust would give me rosy cheeks. It got me to eat bread crust, but no rosy cheeks.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 10:11 am.
Being from the midwest, I heard the waitress tell my dad that his choices were rolls, sliced bread or hushpuppies. He asked for the hushpuppies. I asked what they were and the waitress said fried dough…. now imagine a 9 year old hearing fried dough with a deep southern accent… I heard “Fried Dog” …. I’m 60 now and it’s still a family joke… I’ve been hearing about that ‘fried dog’ for 51 years…. you’d think it would get kinda old…. but not to my family!
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 10:10 am.
Oh! That’s adorable!
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 10:12 am.
Oh, the prostate phrase is funny. When my mom was in the hospital for a thumb join replacement, I told her to make sure that they don’t take out her prostate. She might still need it. We were cracking up so much in pre-op that the nurse had to close the curtain. (FYI- my mom is a former nurse and I know that females don’t have a prostate.)
Once when we were eating those Oscar Mayer Smoked Sausage links, when someone tried to cut into theirs, it slipped of the plate into their lap and I said that it was a “trained attack sausage.” Ever since then, whenever something gets away from someone, we call it a “trained attack” item.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 10:31 am.
Oh, my gosh! That is so funny! I may have to borrow that one and add it to my phrase arsenal.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 11:42 am.
My dad had a word that I still think of on occasion with my own children. He would ask something about why did we do that or what were we thinking…and our standard (and just about every kid I know)response was “I don’t know” My dad’s reply was usually – “evi-god-damn-dently”.
As a mother, I came to appreciate the phrase “because I said so”…I hated it when my mom would use it on me and vowed never to use it – so of course it came pouring out of my mouth one day.:)
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 10:36 am.
LOL I never got the “because I said so” from my parents and so never used it on my kids. In my case, I could recite chapter and verse EXACTLY why I wanted them to do such and so. For my kids, under that onslaught, they’d slump and say, “Okay, okay.” The power of a deluge of words.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 11:45 am.
I read a phrase by a character in a book. The character was Claire in the Outlander Series by Diana Gabaldon. In the very first book she, her husband and a Scottish preist are discussing the beginning of curse words. The current timeline at this conversation is right at the end of WWI and Claire says she learned a new one from a “yank”(American)each time she cleaned out his wounds. She said he would always exclaim “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ”! I tend to use this one a quite a bit…
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 10:48 am.
Isn’t it amazing/wonderful how the words in a book stuck with you??
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 11:46 am.
There are others, but I think I use that one more than any other.
Posted on November 1, 2012 at 11:38 am.
When I was very little the guy at our local pizza place had a very strong italian accent. One day he asked me my name and then pointed at himself and said “Me- Paul!” I apparently replied “Meatball! That’s a funny name!”
I hope everyone is staying safe today! I’m still shocked that I have power right now.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 11:04 am.
OH! Funny!!! That’s so cute.
Stay safe, warm, and dry, Cail.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 11:46 am.
Your Irene experience has inspired me to take Sandy seriously. Be safe,Cail.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 11:54 am.
How are you holding up, Fresh? Are you in Passaic County?
This storm is scary, with reports of it already being worse than Irene was altogether. I’m nervous because my dialysis center is in a flood plain. Also, I’m due for surgery on Wednesday and they still won’t tell me what is happening with that.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 12:27 pm.
Oh dbrown! I’ve been worried about you because of your dialysis. I hope you can have it done somewhere high. Stay in touch.
I’m in Weehawken but not right on the waterfront so expecting to be ok.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 1:56 pm.
Every time I hear something reported about CT, I think of you, Cail. When I heard 9,000 were out of electricity in CT, I wondered if you were among that number.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 12:24 pm.
Not yet, but most of the roads in the lower part of town are under water. We’re expecting 10 foot above the high high tide. Our drawbridge apparently was nearly underwater already!
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 4:38 pm.
Be careful!!
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 10:52 pm.
we were listening to an adele song “set fire to the rain” and my husband said “isn’t that a stupid line?” Our daughter said (straight-faced) “yeah dad, I know it’s simple physics….you can’t set fire to the rain.” We laughed so…=)
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 11:15 am.
Song lyrics do that all the time!
I used to sing at the top of my lungs, “My bunny lies over the ocean; my bunny lies over the sea; my bunny lies over the ocean. Oh, bring back my bunny to me.”
I was 10 before my mother told me that the word was BONNY. I had a stuffed bunny and was so sad someone had lost theirs. My version made more sense to me.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 11:48 am.
I thought everyone knew that the crust of the bread put hair on your chest. This is why I don’t eat it. My special needs son always used the phase more better. Ice cream is more better than milk. My grandfather always told me not to get wet when I took a bath or shower. My grandmother always said that you would find the thing that you are looking for at the last place you look. I miss my grandparents.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 11:15 am.
I miss my parents and my grandparents! It’s a loss that never quite heals.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 11:49 am.
My mom told me the crust made my hair curly so I didn’t want to eat it since my hair was curly enough already!
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 6:38 pm.
My mother and my aunt who were brought up by a Scottish father always says the word Kettle without the T. and Bottle with out the T’s… and what about those people who pronounce Wash as Warsh.. Just drive me to nuts..
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 11:40 am.
LOL My Swedish grandfather couldn’t pronounce hard g’s. So he’d order a “yin and tonic.”
Adorable.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 11:50 am.
My Dad does that also. Then he puts the “T” somewhere else. So that bathroom became Bat-room. We always thought the Bat-room was connected to the Bat-cave somewhere.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 4:23 pm.
I’m currently living in Scotland. I gave my co-worker an odd look cuz I thought she was asking for a lighter… apparently she was asking for a letter
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 6:17 pm.
ROFL That would be so much fun! And confusing. LOL
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 10:52 pm.
A few years ago my better half and I took my mom on a cruise. We got on the ship and started to settle into the room when my mom yells, “Where’s my money?” Her voice was high pitched. She sat down and took off her shoes. We looked at her like she was crazy. She was shaking her shoes and says, “Could it have fallen out of my sock from inside my shoe?” Better Half and I both stated in unison, “NO!” Calmer heads prevailed and the money was found inside of her sock. Oh mom, we love you!
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 11:41 am.
Oh! Sweet!
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 11:51 am.
I’m chuckling as I write this. My BIL’s wife is from New York, and most of the rest of us that go to family get-togethers in the hub’s family are all from here in Texas. My FIL is the biggest BS’er I have EVER met in my life and he had her going on so many little things. He asked if she would bring her a soda water, and she didn’t know what he meant…so she brought him a glass with half Coke and half water.
But, the main thing was the calf slobbers. What, you might ask, are calf slobbers?? Well, according to FIL, it’s Cool Whip. We were having a party for New Year’s Day, and he asked her if she was really putting those calf slobbers on her piece of pecan pie… and, bless her, she looked mortified and wouldn’t eat it. It took several months for her to look at Cool Whip like Cool Whip again, rather than calf slobbers.
My sweet niece could not say ‘nervous’ so she would always say that something made her ‘nermis’ and we have said that ever since.
We are all fans of the LOTR films (and totally geeked about the first Hobbit film coming out in December!!), and no one in our household can say the word ‘potato’ without the whole dialogue from that scene in The Two Towers following from someone, precious.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 11:52 am.
Oh, and the big one that we, quite snippily, used to describe a guy that is thankfully no longer associated with our family— as useless as teats on a boar hog.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 12:13 pm.
Nermis! That’s so cute! I may adopt that.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 12:06 pm.
Our family is replete with sayings that get repeated and reminded! Two that come to mind are: “What other kind of apple pies do you have?” my husband asked the at a drive thru, and “It’s so cold you can all but f**k me!” uttered by our friend one evening, when the car window was rolled down. I apologize for the graphic one, but it is still funny!
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 12:07 pm.
I live with an apple pie fiend so I happen to know that there are many, many kinds of apple pie. LOL
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 3:03 pm.
“The secret ingredient is peanut butter.”
What my nephew said after he helped my mom make stew for a family dinner. We use it after an especially good meal. *g*
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 12:23 pm.
That is so cute!!!
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 3:03 pm.
One I remember is, “Put a sock in it.” I think it means, “Shut up,” but I’ve heard it said in other situations. I’m sure there are others that I just can’t think of right now.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 12:39 pm.
Oh, that’s an old one! I’m starting to forget the old ones, which is a shame. They have a lot of charm.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 3:04 pm.
I have to laugh and share some of my funny “blonde” moments, most of which occurred as a teen and I have suffered for since.
My mother was asking where my brother’s holey socks were – I wondered how he got them blessed (holy)
I once asked why Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball divorced, my grandmother told me it was because he had a roaming eye – I heard Roman eye and said, isn’t he Cuban how did he get a roman eye
There are plenty of others, of which I am mercilessly teased about, but you have to laugh at yourself – if you don’t you will be missing out on all the fun
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 1:23 pm.
Oh, some of the sayings come from my grandmother –
Being caught between a sh*t and a sweat, Sweating more than a whore in church, Colder than a witches t*t in a brass brassier
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 1:26 pm.
Holy cow! Your grandmother was racy! LOL My grandmother used to say, “They’re putting on the dogs.” Another old saying, though it’s “putting on the dog.” I used to chuckle every time she said “dogs.”
I wonder where THAT saying came from anyway?
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 3:05 pm.
There’s a Tex Avery cartoon from the late 40s or early 50s, where a man’s at the gates of heaven, telling his life story to St. Peter in slang called The Symphony of Slang that’s really quite funny. Some of the sayings in it are, putting on the dogs, born with a silver spoon, etc, and they’ve all been animated to look like the saying. So you see someone actually putting dogs on – SO funny.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 5:30 pm.
My mom often said, “Empty barrels make the most noise.” For years, that declaration bothered me. Then I had to spend several days in the company of the most ignorant person it’s been my misfortune to know. Analogy processed and never forgotten.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 2:28 pm.
Make that metaphor. Sandy’s messing with my head.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 2:30 pm.
That is SO funny!!!
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 3:06 pm.
Great one, Gwyn!
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 5:30 pm.
“I hurt myself sleeping” is what I said when I woke up with a crik (crick?) in my neck many years ago. We all still say it.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 3:29 pm.
This happens to me all the time. ALL the time. Sleep: the final frontier.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 6:28 pm.
The prostate one made me laugh–I’ll bet her brothers will torture her with that for the rest of her life!
My dad was the king of one-liners. May of which are not repeatable on this site, but one of our favorites was :
“That’s ridiculous! Some people are so cheap they wouldn’t pay a dime to watch Christ ride a bicycle down the street!”
He was referring to one particular miser in our small town. The thing that made it so hilarious, was Dad himself probably wouldn’t have paid the dime if it required him to stand in line with throngs of other people.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 4:33 pm.
That’s a new one on me!
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 6:29 pm.
I can’t think of any good phrases at the moment (though we do LOTR talk too…”my precious” and “hobbitses”) tho have a lot of kid speak in our family lexicon. From niece, we say “reguly” instead of “regular.” From nephew, a “train” is a “trank” and I often call Son1 “Gegge” (hard g’s)as that’s how Son2 said his name when he first began to talk.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 4:49 pm.
LOTR: “second breakfast” That one is BIG in my house. LOL
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 6:29 pm.
Well, there was the time my brother was annoyed by the fact that we were traveling on his birthday, and he finally burst out with, “This birthday has been just like a feather!” None of us have EVER forgotten it.
Of course, *I* was the one to say, when I was a kid and I’d just answered correctly the umpteenth question on Dad’s were-you-paying-attention Bible study quiz, “I know everything!” I MEANT I knew everything on the quiz. But of course, that is not how it has been used against me ever since.
Then there was the time I said as a child, “Fish don’t bleed.” Because I’d never seen them bleed. And their flesh is white, so I figured they oozed some sort of clear liquid. My family never let me forget that one either.
My son has several phrases we never forget (mainly because he’s nonverbal so we really REALLY notice when he does say something), like the time he burst out with “You bastard!” at three while we were driving. It took a while for me to figure out that it was my phrase of choice for whenever I got cut off, so he had apparently decided that “You bastard” was what you shouted randomly while riding in the car. He only did it the one time, but I never forgot it.
Oh, and my favorite was a recent FB message from a random foreign guy trying to score–”I am American. I am from city of Florida.” I still laugh over that one.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 5:28 pm.
LOL “I know everything.” Hey, sometimes it’s true. Why apologize?
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 6:31 pm.
My daughter comes up with stuff all the time that’s SO funny, and we write it down to keep track of it. This past summer we were driving to dh’s work to have dinner with him when we had to stop at the light. We all looked to our right where we saw a bicyclist who wasn’t wearing a shirt. She pops up with, ‘He’s trying to impress the ladies, but it’s SO not working.’ Just 8 years old.
When she was little she had her own lexicon with a couple of words that we still use :marshfellow – marshmellow and
purkle – purple (it was her favorite color forever!!).
My mil had early onset Alzheimers, and at some point she just muttered gibberish. However, every so often she’d say something that was so funny. Like once they were all talking about where to eat, and my bil and sil wanted to go to an all you can eat buffet called Chuckorama. During the discussion my mil said, ‘Don’t chuck away.’ For something that was so awful to experience, we had to laugh at stuff like this because otherwise, it’d be just too sad.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 5:41 pm.
Isn’t that the truth? You have to find the laughter or you just go under.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 6:32 pm.
That man is so cheap he squeaks when he walks was one of my moms sayings. When we wanted to go play she would tell us to stay close and “not go running around hells half acre”. I was never sure how big that was but I guess we didn’t cross that line.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 6:51 pm.
That’s such a great expression! It sounds very Texas.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 10:53 pm.
Now that I think about it, instead of cheap it was tight but still means the same.
Posted on October 30, 2012 at 12:10 am.
Brothers are merciless when it comes to comments like your daughter’s! They’ll be teasing her when they are in their 80′s!
Everyone in Sandy’s path please stay safe, dry and warm and pay attention to all of the warnings and bulletins!
Some of the things my Mom has said I still wonder about, things like :
Slow as home-made Christmas.
About as useful as teats on a turtle.
I will give you something to cry about! (What did she think the ‘all day Alabama butt-whooping’ she gave us before making this statement was???)
Some of the others I have collected over the years from various sources :
Colder than a tin-top toilet in a Siberian blizzard.
That dog won’t hunt.
I’m sorry my BS monitor was going off so loudly I couldn’t hear what you said.
In the bakery we have a couple of phrases we use all the time.
Bridezilla Alert (a bride ordering a wedding cake we KNOW is never going to be what she wanted no matter how perfectly we decorate it.)
Momzilla Alert (see above and add the disposition of an alligator with a toothache.)
PIAC (a pain in the *** customer, someone who wants a designer cake at a Walmart price. Worse they think THEY are the designer!)
PAW Alert (Someone has just spotted a customer who is a candidate for People at Walmart.)
And when I ask someone to do something about which there will be no negotiation or discussion I conclude with the phrase “This is not a conversation.”
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 8:37 pm.
Oh, if only your order-taker could become “slippier than a Bullfrog’s belly in a wet soap dish”
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 8:46 pm.
Make that slipprier
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 8:47 pm.
Many, many moons ago, my mom would watch the neighbor’s Kindergarden children until we older kids got out of school. They mistook the swan on the Schwan’s truck for a duck. They would tell my mom “The Duck Man is here”. Periodically I will refer to the delivery driver as The Duck Man.
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 8:48 pm.
Hope all in Sandy’s path are well clear. It’s the most frightening storm I’ve ever seen!
Take care, all!!
Posted on October 29, 2012 at 10:54 pm.
I happened to think of a few more. One that I tend to use on someone who I feel is not quite all there is “He’s bright as a 2 watt lightbulb and it’s blowed!” As a child I could not say “peaches” I called them “pinches” and “napkins” were “nikkins”. My grandson can’t say “Granny” so now the grands all call me “Danny”.
Posted on November 1, 2012 at 12:17 pm.