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I think we all need a little sunshine today, so I scoured the ‘nets to bring you some News of the Weird.
Did you know that plastic surgeons in Turkey and France have been performing a significant number of mustache implants? Yes, mustache IMPLANTS. These have suddenly surged in popularity as men use their increased lip bushiness to convey power and prestige.
‘Cause, you know, nothing says ‘power’ like a bushy lip.
And just how do these surgeons perform these miracles of manliness, you ask? Well, they extract follicles from “hairier parts of the body.”
Yes, “hairier parts of the body.” I’ll leave you all to mull that one.
Oh, and did you all hear the one about the priest? Who got in a brawl?
According to testimony in Perth, Australia, in November, a retired priest, Thomas Byrne, 80, bit off the ear of another retired priest, Thomas Smith, 81, in a brawl over a parking space. Father Byrne and Father Smith are residents of the same retirement home in the Perth suburb of Dianella.
Yup, Priest Byrne went full Mike Tyson over a parking space. I shudder to think what might have happened if they’d argued over something important, like who won at Bingo, or which news station the teevee should be turned to.
Last, but not least, I suppose most of you know that the earth is supposed to end in oh, a day or so. Well, if you thought it would happen via asteroid, then you can relax. According to an MIT graduate student whose detailed plan won this year’s prize in a United Nations space council competition, if an asteroid is ever on a collision course with Earth, it is feasible that the planet could be saved by firing paintballs at it.
That’s right — paintballs.
Yeah, I was a bit skeptical, too, but just get the deviousness of this plan. According to the paper, if white paintballs were shot at the asteroid, it would slightly bump the asteroid, thus moving it a bit off course. That’s good news, but wait, there’s more!
In addition to the slight push the asteroid would get from being slammed by a gazillion white paintballs, the surface of the rock would also now be completely covered in white paint, causing the sun’s photons to bounce off of it as the light reflects. Over a period of time, the bounce energy would divert the body even farther off course and – bam! Or rather NO bam! Collision diverted.
It sounds wonky, but I’ll bet your mustache it works.
Have you heard any news of the weird lately? Do you know anyone whose ever had a mustache implant . . . or might want one? What’s the worst priest fight you’ve heard of? And do you think paintballs will save the earth before Friday?
50 Comments on “Mustache implants, priestly parking, and paint ball solutions.”
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Karer, I haven’t heard anything of the weird today (besides the talk about ‘the end of the world’) but I sure have met with weird situations.
At home, our right hand neighbor keeps all kind of birds (goose, chicken, just name it). One time he had over 200 around (the stink of it!) so I politely told him he should get away with at least 3/4 of them, or I’d call the environmental inspection. He did not talk to me for a year! But he still had those birds, and sometimes I hear (because I don’t see it anymore, have big trees between the two houses now) the most strange noises. I often wonder what he does to those poor birds, besides killing them???
And at the coast, where we have a flat, we’re also blessed with a weird neighbor. We call him Skunk. You can take it literally. He’s an alcoholic and sometimes he just lets go.. a brown trail from the lift to his front door. And if you know then they have overall carpet in that flat… One day, we arrived at our flat and saw that his door stood ajar. Because we did not see or hear anything for hours, we called in the police, suspecting a break-in. The poor guys were afraid to go in, after taking in the smell! They asked us to accompany them, clearly expecting a corpse somewhere. Yeah, good we don’t see or hear Skunk too much, and that the smell keeps locked into his flat.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 6:55 am.
Wow. I think I might move! Nickie, sorry you went through all of that.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 10:15 am.
I wish that I had weird news to report but I missed the news today. I did read that some Japanese people found over $100,000 at a garbage dump which has me thinking “damn!” There was a bad case of road rage reported last night on an current affairs style show and now the guy is claiming that the video that they showed was a fake and that the dashboard cam was a fake . . . right . . . As for the end of the world, I googled doomsday prophecies and there is more than you would think.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 7:44 am.
Kelly, $100,000? Wow. That’s amazing.
There are a ton of Doomsday prophesies. There have been people predicting the end of the world since the world began. Seems a sad way to roll, doesn’t it?
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 11:07 am.
What a strange cosmetic surgery! My DH has no need of that- his facial hair is great without it. Anyone know where to get mustache wax? We thought it would be funny for him to show up with a waxed ‘stache for the holidays.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 8:28 am.
Cail, I wonder if Duluth Trading Company might have it? They have a lot of guy shaving thingies. When you find it, please post pictures!
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 11:11 am.
amazon.com has mustache wax
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 2:29 pm.
I should have suggested them first. They have EVERYTHING, don’t they? Sort of like a huge internet warehouse.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 3:11 pm.
I don’t know anyone in need of a mustache implant. All very hairy men in the Handeland family. I would think that implant would work on heads too. A cure for baldness at last?
I’ve been trying to avoid the news so I haven’t heard anything weird or otherwise lately.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 9:02 am.
Lori, I’ve been avoiding the news, too. It’s a relief to read something that doesn’t make me weepy.
I think they already do hair transplants for men. But I really haven’t done any research.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 11:16 am.
I read about the guy on the east coast who was jogging. An emu started jogging with him. An emu is a very large bird similar to an ostrich. This one was lost. The police helped find his owner.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 9:39 am.
Sandi, what a funny story! Can you imagine how weird that had to have been. And emus look sort of mean even though I don’t think they are. I wonder if it made him run faster? Heh!
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 11:20 am.
LOL!!!
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 12:13 pm.
Every time I watch the news I lose it, so I don’t really have any weird news to report. I was enlightened by your post though! I’m shaking my head at the priests, and laughing while imagining people shooting paintballs into the atmosphere. Now, the mustache thing… I cracked up at the, “Nothing says power like a bushy lip,” comment. I love it!
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 10:47 am.
The news has been very difficult to watch, so sometimes it’s a relief to just look for fun stuff. I’m glad you found your laughter! It’s tough when you lose that.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 11:25 am.
I sent you something via snail mail the other day.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 11:27 am.
Thank you, Kelly! I’ll be on the lookout for it.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 3:12 pm.
I suspect, even fear, that the mustache story heralds the return of male facial hair as fashionable. It is sort of due anyway. Only I see photographs of guys back in the day when it was last fashionable, and I don’t much want to see it catch on. Yet the evidence keeps mounting that it will in the next few years.
No priest stories here. At least not about two priests fighting. Parking spaces are important territory, though, so I think ;they can be excused this once.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 11:02 am.
Madeline, I like a trim beard, but that’s all. Not a big ‘stache fan, although Sam Elliott makes it work.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 11:34 am.
I’m not a moustache fan, but I do enjoy a trimmed beard so long as it doesn’t go down the guy’s neck. mmm.. I miss my husband’s beard… he had to shave it for work (for a fitted respirator).
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 9:17 pm.
Who’re you sayin’ has a mustache?
If paint balls can save the world, Big D will be in that brigade. Nothing like a paint ball war to Save The Planet to get a man going.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 11:49 am.
Claudia, tell him to whip out his paintball gun because we may have a job for him! If he’s accurate at 2 billion miles out, then we’ll all pitch in to buy him a cape, too. Heh!
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 3:14 pm.
Hrm… I have not heard any weird news – other than the usual shenanigans between Geezer and Gollum.
Is it wrong that the priests brawling over a parking spot made me giggle? They’re in their 80s! lol
As far as mustache implants go.. I can totally see the hipsters getting all over that – or at least the waxed and styled mustaches.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 12:04 pm.
Sheridan, it’s violent, but so funny because, dang it, THEY’RE PRIESTS, and OLD PRIESTS, too! And then you add in the Mike Tysonness of it all and well, if you don’t giggle, you don’t deserve to read any more news of the weird.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 3:15 pm.
Well, from a woman who has devoted many hours of her life removing unwanted hair, I cannot comprehend the appeal of the mustache transplant…however, one priest biting another, now that’s something I can understand! And saving the world from astriods with paint balls is really every teenage boy’s fantasy come true! Oy! I need a glass of Chardonnay now.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 12:11 pm.
Lisa, I suppose any reason that you can think of to need a glass of Chardonnay. I’d even join you so that we could snicker over old priests and waxed ‘staches.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 3:16 pm.
moustache implant makes me want to barf.
I like the paintball theory. I wish I was genius enough to come up with really whacky ideas and prove them viable. And make money at it. Now that’s the life.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 12:24 pm.
I love the paintball theory, too. So economical and forward thinking! Sort of like using tin foil to heat a house. Why NOT?
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 4:23 pm.
No weird and wacky news here.
My uncle had hair trasplants done, but only on his head. It was strange when he showed up to my wedding with a full head of hair. No one in the family was aware that he got the trasplant done, so we were all kind of shocked. My one outspoken aunt asked him why he didn’t get his teeth done while he was at it. She thought his hair looked good, but she said his teeth were horrible.
I just listened to my hubby go on and on about the mustache he grew for Movember. I was so glad when December 1 came around and it was time to shave. Not a fan of facial hair.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 12:47 pm.
AmyS, I have a friend who didn’t shave last month, either. Very odd looking as he’s bald, so he had a bushy beard, but not hair up on top. Odd.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 4:24 pm.
I have a friend who lost all his head hair by the time he finished highschool… but he is by far the HAIRIEST person I know. His chest, back, shoulders, arms, lets, feet… you name it. I once had a friendly lunch date with him and I scolded him for not shaving before seeing me… and he said that he already had. His hair grows unbelievably fast, it’s almost scary.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 9:21 pm.
Well, if they could find a high-enough velocity paintball shooter, I don’t see why that wouldn’t work. But that kind of Earth rescue really doesn’t scream “Bruce Willis” to me. More like Jack Black, I think. *g*
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 2:10 pm.
It’s definitely a Jack Black sort of solution. I’d definitely go to see that movie.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 4:29 pm.
I have another bird story. Have you seen the youtube video of the eagle swooping down and grabbing a baby? I saw somewhere that it might be fake, but I’ve seen the video and it looked real to me. We have some big ravens around here and when Son2 was little I used to worry they might fly down and carry him off by his diaper!
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 2:22 pm.
I just saw that one, today!! The bird has quite the wingspan!
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 3:23 pm.
I saw that! Horrifying. I played it over a few times, trying to see if it was real or not … it sure looked like it, but you never know.
Btw, ravens give me the creeps. They are just so noisy. Ugh.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 4:30 pm.
Raven remind me of The Omen!
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 5:12 pm.
The article “Pubic Hair Grooming Injuries Presenting to U.S. Emergency Departments” was published in the December issue of the journal Urology. The authors note that the scientific community has paid little attention to the subject of pubic hair grooming injuries, which is why their article is a welcome correction.
The take-home from the article is that a) pubic hair grooming injuries are on the rise, mostly because more people are watching porn, inspiring them to want to look like porn stars down there, so they start grooming, sometimes with bad consequences; and b) razors were responsible for most of the injuries. The authors recommend using clippers instead.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 2:44 pm.
Laura, lol! I had no idea. I’ll be sure to pass that tidbit along to everyone who will listen. Heh!
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 4:31 pm.
Eeww, not a fan of facial hair, so the mustache implant is just odd.
What about the bagel forehead craze in Japan? How is that attractive to anyone?!!
I like the idea of a paintball theory. It sounds fun and relatively not so dangerous.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 3:28 pm.
Janae, ohhhh, I saw the bagel forehead thing, too. Ew!!!
I like the paintball theory, too, because it gives me hope for killing asteroids other than using some sort of space invader style spaceship, which we don’t yet have. Paintballs, we have.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 4:33 pm.
OMG, I hadn’t heard of that. Just had to go google it. That is the STUPIDEST thing I’ve ever seen. Good gravy.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 7:14 pm.
Ew, I saw the bagel forehead thing a short while back…. SO gross!!
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 9:24 pm.
Okay, so how do they GET the paintballs to the asteroid? A million little rocket launchers?
I’m blogging on the day the world ends, by the way. I wonder if that means anything.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 5:16 pm.
I’m supposing a rocket delivered them, but I dunno. I’ll research it more and find out. It’s such a funny idea!
Lol! I can’t wait to read your end-of-world blog. If I had to hear one voice as the lights go out, yours would suit me just fine.
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 5:35 pm.
Well, we can watch the world end together, because we’d definitely make it fun!
BTW, I have a PLAN for the end. Wait till you read it!
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 6:15 pm.
Lol! I’m ready, waiting, and willing to follow you into the pits of er, the end. Or whatever it is. I’ll even bring spiced rum!
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 9:23 pm.
Mustache implants? Seriously? I’ve seen women at Walmart who could DONATE to that endeavor! Some could donate to more than one recipient. I’m just saying.
The most interesting news I read today was the discovery of a live specimen of a species of whale that was supposed to have been extinct for the last TWO MILLION years! Now, I’ve misplaced my car keys, my car (once! Long story,) my baby brother (that was on purpose – another long story) but how the heck do you misplace something as big as a whale for TWO MILLION years! And these scientists types are supposed to be REALLY smart. Suddenly I feel like a genius!
Posted on December 19, 2012 at 11:52 pm.
No to all three questions. And no weird news today other than what I just read above.
Posted on December 20, 2012 at 1:50 am.
I had a day long actiivty yesterday, so never got here, but the mustache implants are just creepy. I do know young men are growing beards and mustaches like never before.
Posted on December 20, 2012 at 10:58 am.