I think we all need a little sunshine today, so I scoured the ‘nets to bring you some News of the Weird.
Did you know that plastic surgeons in Turkey and France have been performing a significant number of mustache implants? Yes, mustache IMPLANTS. These have suddenly surged in popularity as men use their increased lip bushiness to convey power and prestige.
‘Cause, you know, nothing says ‘power’ like a bushy lip.
Yes, “hairier parts of the body.” I’ll leave you all to mull that one.
Oh, and did you all hear the one about the priest? Who got in a brawl?
According to testimony in Perth, Australia, in November, a retired priest, Thomas Byrne, 80, bit off the ear of another retired priest, Thomas Smith, 81, in a brawl over a parking space. Father Byrne and Father Smith are residents of the same retirement home in the Perth suburb of Dianella.
Yup, Priest Byrne went full Mike Tyson over a parking space. I shudder to think what might have happened if they’d argued over something important, like who won at Bingo, or which news station the teevee should be turned to.
Last, but not least, I suppose most of you know that the earth is supposed to end in oh, a day or so. Well, if you thought it would happen via asteroid, then you can relax. According to an MIT graduate student whose detailed plan won this year’s prize in a United Nations space council competition, if an asteroid is ever on a collision course with Earth, it is feasible that the planet could be saved by firing paintballs at it.
That’s right — paintballs.
Yeah, I was a bit skeptical, too, but just get the deviousness of this plan. According to the paper, if white paintballs were shot at the asteroid, it would slightly bump the asteroid, thus moving it a bit off course. That’s good news, but wait, there’s more!
In addition to the slight push the asteroid would get from being slammed by a gazillion white paintballs, the surface of the rock would also now be completely covered in white paint, causing the sun’s photons to bounce off of it as the light reflects. Over a period of time, the bounce energy would divert the body even farther off course and – bam! Or rather NO bam! Collision diverted.
It sounds wonky, but I’ll bet your mustache it works.
Have you heard any news of the weird lately? Do you know anyone whose ever had a mustache implant . . . or might want one? What’s the worst priest fight you’ve heard of? And do you think paintballs will save the earth before Friday?