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As with all things, the stars had to align perfectly for it to happen.
First, I had spent the day before watching a marathon of Hoarders: Buried Alive. That really gets me in the mood to purge. Next, I had to find a good eraser, one that hadn’t gone hard and useless. You wouldn’t believe how hard that is to find in my house (purge, purge, purge). Then I also had to be staring at my Christmas bowl full of Christmas cards, all those people in my life staring at me (figuratively speaking). The result of all these disparate parts? I cleaned up my address book.
First, some background on my address book. It’s red leather and it’s beautiful. I write all the names and addresses in pencil so that the address book will always look perfect and always be pertinent, no cross-outs and no dead addresses (or that’s the plan). Of course, you need a plump eraser for that (see above).
Minor detour: When I was a young wife and mother, I had a dark green leather address book. I got it when I was single and it cost me pennies I didn’t really have. I treated it with care. Big D and Number One Son (the only kid at the time) did not. One day, while walking by the phone, I smelled something funny. Icky. Unpleasant. After much Mother Sleuthing, I discovered that Number One Son, then about two years old, had smeared banana between the pages of my green address book. It had dried there. One address book: dead. After a suitable grieving period, I asked Big D for a new address book for Christmas. On Christmas Day, in a moment that belongs in a Nora Ephron romantic comedy, Big D looked on excitedly as I opened my gift. The new address book was plastic, held together by staples and meant to fit into a purse. Or a back pocket. He grinned at me, so proud. I stared at him, so bewildered. More staring ensued. A bit more. His grin faltered. Fade out—I bought my own address book, red leather.
Today, I tackled my address book. As with most purging, it was a very emotional journey, filled with sentiment and sadness. There were people in my address book who are dead now, who are divorced, who have moved since I first put their name in and I just kept shoving in the return address label with the new address, and then the next new address, and the next. There are people I lost touch with decades ago, people who haven’t sent 
me a Christmas card in twenty years or more.
Arrivederci, baby.
There are also new people to add to my address book. New friends, new family members, new hair stylists.
My address book, wiped clean now, traces less of my past and more of my present; I like that. Without my handy eraser, it was a footprint of where I’ve been and who I’ve loved. That’s okay for some, but I am a sentimental soul, sweet sentiment and tantalizing memory can hold me captive at a glance. So I erase it all, keep it clean, and keep looking forward.
There is no going back. My address book bears witness to that.
Are you sentimental? Do you live in the present or do you keep looking back? How up to date is your address book?
41 Comments on “The Address Book”
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I am an odd combination of both. I guess that it goes with my dual nature which is a combination of being a Capricorn and Aquarian. With me it is all about what I am remembering and whether it is painful or not. If it is painful (which usually means family crap) then I try to resolve it or forget it as much as possible. That way I can enjoy pleasant memories (provided that I can remember them as well since I am kinda good at repressing my memories). I don’t really have an address book but any addresses that I might want to keep is listed in my phone that way I can easily find it when the time is right.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 6:57 am.
That’s a great system! You keep what is lovely and toss the rest. Perfect.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 10:39 am.
I’m big on tossing things. Sometimes I toss things I actually need and have to get a new one. But there are a few things I keep. Photos. Old photo calendars. Binkies. I have youngest son’s binkie in my closet. He said toss it. I could not.
My address book is on my computer. It is not very up to date because when my last computer crashed the address book didn’t make it. I had to re-do and that meant waiting for people to send me a card with a return address. Otherwise, oh well.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 8:41 am.
This is why I keep a hard copy. I don’t trust technology not to turn on me in an instant.
I would NEVER have tossed binkie. Never!
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 10:40 am.
I have an address book that I can add pages to. That is a good thing because my husband’s siblings, nieces, nephews, and our oldest son move around a great deal. Our son has moved six times since he got married in 1995.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 8:50 am.
And every time someone moves I think, “Gotta fix my address book AGAIN.” They had to actually MOVE but I have to erase and rewrite, and I’m the one grumbling.
But only because I can never find an eraser.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 10:41 am.
My address book, which I bought on sale when I was engaged to DH, still sits on the shelf sorely outdated. Now everyone is in the google address book on the cell phone which is linked to my email. Turns out that I have only one “R” contact. I had two, but one of them died in an auto accident last August. It was sad to delete that contact. But, there have been happier deletes. After my grandma passed, I was able to delete the administrator of her assisted living that I locked horns with over several issues. I told everyone about that delete and skipped through the house. I’ve kept the old address book around because it is on its way to becoming an antique, but a purge is coming and it might not make this next round of throwing things out.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 8:52 am.
I always feel a tug when I erase someone who’s died. It’s wrenching. I think I’ll have my red address book until the day I die. My whole family depends on it. Without it, they wouldn’t know where anyone in the family lived!
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 10:43 am.
I am a sentimental person, it is okay to look back but only to learn, or fondly bring up memories – the present is here simply for the road I took and I try to celebrate here and now.
I wish I could blame the move on my address book, but there is so much that needs to be put in, and with envelopes and scraps of paper in the folder of the book – I know I must tackle it soon.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 8:57 am.
This is exactly where I was. I had so many torn out return addresses shoved in the back!
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 10:44 am.
I don’t think of myself as sentimental, however, I find the subject of the address book very interesting. My husband and I have been married for 46 years and I have several address books that over the years began to disintegrate necessitating my getting a new one. I have never thrown any of the old ones out because they are now a bit of history. When my beloved mother-in-law passed away, we saved her address book too. I think she used only one over the years and it, too, is now a family history book. I confess that when my husband and I married, I found his “little black book” and have it tucked away in my jewelry box. Not many names in it, but I find it gives me a chuckle. Shhhh – don’t tell him!
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 9:18 am.
You are really on to something there. These paper records are historical records of a life lived. It’s such a sentimental thought! I have chills.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 10:45 am.
I was cleaning up my kids baby books the other day and it was emotional for me. I had over the years just stuffed things between the pages not in any real order, and nothing was stuck down. So, I pulled them out the other day, and decided it was time that they were put in order. As, I went through the books, first my oldest, then my youngest, I reflected on the years that have passed. I cherish the little things that I decided to shove into the pages of those books. I have ultrasound photos, hospital wristbands, first birthday invites, their very first letters from Santa, and so on. I lovingly put everything in order, and then tucked them away in the safty box. I am sure in a few years I will pull them out and have a little cry over the fact that my girls are all grown up, but for now they are tucked away. When it comes to my children I am very sentimental, but when it comes to older relationships and such, I usually put it in the past and move on.
I have an address book that sits in the junk drawer in my kitchen, it is very rarely used. All of my up to date contacts are on my Blackberry.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 9:21 am.
I’m the same way. So much so that I never, ever look at photos of my kids or of myself as a kid. I have the albums out, available to any who want to look. I just never do. The swell of melancholy they provoke sends me into a tailspin that takes me days to recover from.
I’m a sentimental fool!
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 10:47 am.
I guess when it comes to addresses I am not very sentimental, I use an excel spreadsheet. It is so easy to update and delete lines and I am ruthless about it. It makes my OCD-self happy.
I have memory boxes for both girls full of past things that I think they will like to see someday; their first pair of shoes, christening outfits, report cards and such. This is where I get sentimental. The girls are old enough now that they like to look at the things and ask questions about their childhood. This is a great way for me to remember little things that would have faded from menopausal memory.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 10:14 am.
Oh, don’t get me started on that!
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 10:48 am.
I’m with kez — it’s a spreadsheet so I can make labels in that every 10-year urge I get to send Christmas cards. Claudia, did you mark me out of your book?
I am also big on no clutter. It makes me crazy. Just after Christmas I got so good at it that I threw away the brand new debit card I’d just received.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 10:30 am.
That sounds like me. I’ve thrown away too many gift cards to count. It’s tragic.
Julia, you are still in my book. Just.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 10:49 am.
I have about four address books that I don’t have one adddress in. One is even from my grandmother who may have had it when she was young. I’m afraid to write in that one. Anyways, I have started putting addresses in my phone, but I do keep a paper with all the important addresses on it. Oh, and passwords. I think I need an address book for log ins and passwords! Sheesh.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 10:51 am.
I have a separate address book just for passwords, log ins and user ids! I can’t remember who told me to do that but it was the best idea ever.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 11:07 am.
The historian in me likes to do the cross outs, the add ins, and keep them all. I also keep my old calendars that document the meetings and details of my life. There are a lot of memories attached to those old names and addresses—sort of like a journal’s appeal. I repeat again that I do this because I am an historian, not a hoarder, or just disorganized or something like that. I know you would never suspect the latter of me, of all people, but I just wanted to emphasize my
excusereason.Posted on January 7, 2013 at 10:51 am.
I keep my daily calendars as well–for tax purposes. Really. Just for tax purposes.
Not a hoarder in sight as far as I’m concerned.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 11:07 am.
My address book is on my computer, synced to my phone and my ipad and available online. I gave up hard copies years ago as I found this was easier, especially when traveling. I can also update from any of those devices/sites and they are all updated – very handy rather than trying to keep up with a little piece of paper in my purse as I try to remember to write the new address down.
I have gone from pretty darned sentimental to “only keep the really important stuff” I blame Geezer and my grandmother who are hanging onto EVERYTHING. It’s like that old saying “When everything’s an emergency, nothing’s an emergency” same with sentimental stuff. When you keep everything, nothing is really that special.
Perhaps when this is all done, I will again be a little more sentimental about some things – but right now, I just want it all GONE.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 12:14 pm.
I’m of the same mindset about most things. I feel buried sometimes and just want it all gone.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 1:37 pm.
I keep my addresses on the computer too – with a backup of the hard drive and also on a thumb drive that stays by the computer. It makes it easier for printing labels for Christmas cards and other party invitations.
I confess, I am a photo hoarder. I have never thrown away a printed picture or very rarely deleted a digital one. Needless to say a have extra hard drives stacked up in my office. Most of the photos on them have never been printed.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 1:54 pm.
I’m so old school. If a picture hasn’t been printed, it doesn’t feel real to me. Everything digital is ephemeral. I’ve had too many computer crashes/freezes/deaths to put my trust in them!
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 3:11 pm.
I’m only sentimental for some things. An address book is not one of them. Of course, I have one (or rather, had one) in brown leather. But nowadays I keep all my contacts online.
I do have a diary, though, and keep writing in it. I started it when I was 15 and I’m now going on 57. Last year I began to type all those entries on my pc, so when the paper diaries would find an untimely end, I still have the file on USB.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 2:37 pm.
My gosh, I really am old-fashioned. I can’t imagine putting everything digitally. I like having the book in my hand, flipping through the addresses, handing the book to my kid when he asks for an address, etc. I must run down the battery on my phone/ipod/computer once a day.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 3:13 pm.
I lost my address book awhile back and have never replaced it. I have addresses on my phone and computer. When I used my address book, I only used pencil. If I could find an address book that I liked, I’d get a new one.
Sentimental, yes. This weekend my 9 yo daughter decided to rearrange her room, which included getting rid of quite a bit of stuff. We got rid of quite a bit of stuff, which is good. However, when we got to her drawer full of accessories, I saved most of her hats, especially the ones she wore from 12 months to 4. I told myself that we didn’t need to keep them because we have pictures of her wearing them – even one where she’s wearing the hat and matching poncho in the bathtub! It’s the same poncho that used to have long ends that her brother ‘gave a haircut’ just days after I bought it. Too many memories, so it’ll be going into a box for her. I used to save her Pokemon drawings – all of them – but about 2 years ago, I realized that this was going to be a LONG phase. I only save the very best ones. I take pictures of her art projects before I toss them because you can only keep so much art, and she’s creating something all the time. This weekend it was her idea to take the pictures of the art and throw away the pieces ‘because the air dry clay is cracking.’
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 4:42 pm.
I used to frame and hang the best of my children’s drawings/paintings. They still hang in my house. It got to be a thing, “is it suitable for framing” kind of thing, and they got to be the judge of that eventually. I made them date the drawings as well, which they thought was dumb at the time, but now? How else would anyone remember!
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 4:58 pm.
I’ll admit that I sometimes use a friend’s address return label & just tape it over the old..
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 4:48 pm.
Huh! What a simple solution!
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 4:58 pm.
I had this address book that I loved, that had little cards you could fill out and insert and adjust so they were always in alphabetical order….and then it disappeared…
Now I have a phone and I lose all of my information on a regular basis…so I’ve gotten rid of all of my address book anxiety…because I’m constantly having to ask people to send their stuff to me again.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 7:20 pm.
I love those kind of address books! They don’t seem to even make them anymore.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 10:13 pm.
My address book is in an Excel spreadsheet and I update it every year when I get holiday cards; I always double check the return addresses and make changes at that time. I can also convert the address book to labels in Word and print them out on the computer so that sending over 80 cards each year is easier.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 7:35 pm.
That is so smart.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 10:14 pm.
I think I’m actually not that sentimental, which is probably why I DO keep things to remind me . . . sometimes. Then I don’t look at them, which I guess is silly. I just like knowing they’re there.
I have an out-of-date address book, but I stopped using it because that’s what my Contacts list in my phone and on my computer are for. And they sync to each other, so I never have to worry!
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 8:21 pm.
Well, you know how non-techy I am. I just find paper easier in most cases.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 10:14 pm.
Like you, I pencil in my info. My address book is a small, black one, slightly bigger than a business card. Some of my former co workers, I put their info under thier first name, that’s generally what we called each other.
I purchased for my son and daughter in law an address book for a Christmas present. I penciled in under first name of my sisters & brothers, 3 of each, address info, etc. it’s about the size of a 3×5 index card, so it can be carried in handbag. I’m looking to replace mine soon as it is 7 years old.
Posted on January 7, 2013 at 10:17 pm.
Every five years or so I have to buy a new address book. I tend to write in ink & cross out & use white out until the book is a mess.
Posted on January 8, 2013 at 3:28 am.
I enjoyed this article so much! I have been meaning to keep an address book for the longest time, but my mistake is that I kept them in ink. I think I will stick to your suggestion of pencil for the future.
Love this post so many times over!
Posted on January 9, 2013 at 5:27 pm.